...East Coast

(props to you if you get the reference in the title)

I'm outa here! I'm taking my trusty (knock on wood) scooter down the scenic East Coast of Taiwan!

Tomorrow I'll be making a pit stop at the eastern most point of Taiwan, and over the following 2 weeks, the plan is to make it down the coastal highway all the way to the southern most point, and back up. I lost interest in actually circling the entire island when I started actually mapping out the route. East side is where it's at.

If you are interested to see where I'm going, check out these 2 sites:

http://www.necoast-nsa.gov.tw/user/Article.aspx?Lang=2&SNo=02000005

http://www.lonelyplanet.com/taiwan/east-coast

...or just wait until I come back, and you can see all my pictures.

See ya later!

To flush, or not to flush?

***Disclaimer: If you are eating, I'd recommend checking back later. We're discussing bathroom etiquette today.

In many stalls in many bathrooms throughout Taiwan, there is a little trash can situated next to the toilet. It is apparently widely understood that, upon completing what we can refer to as "#2," the tissue should be placed in the trash can, and not flushed down the toilet.

(It's about to get graphic...)

This custom raises a lot of questions and crosses many, many moral boundaries. I understand the fear of clogging the pipes, but honestly, if what I just flushed can make it through the plumbing, then a little bit of wet paper should have no problem following it. I'm just sayin'.

And here's another thing: I don't want to smell, and I REALLY don't want to see the remnants of your business while I'm taking care of mine. It's a bit nauseating, to say the least. Along those same lines, Taiwan has some really interesting, greasy foods that sometimes don't agree with my stomach. Therefore, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that you also don't want to have to look at my very own oil-spill clean up efforts. It's just gross, and we'll leave it at that.

According to my ClustrMaps counter (which tracks where/when you people check my blog, so yes, I know there are more than 10), 79 viewers that are located in Taiwan have checked my blog in the past month and a half.

If you are one of those 50 people (because let's be honest, at least 30 of those views are from me), please continue reading:

When researching for this post, I stumbled across this Reuters article. If you aren't interested in clicking it, look here:

It's called "Flush so we don't blush, Taiwan city says," with {commentary from me!}

(Reuters) - A city in south Taiwan began training potty users this week to flush toilet paper instead of throwing it in the trash, to reduce 340 tonnes of stinky waste generated daily, local media and officials said on Tuesday. {Potty training?? Is the bowl so small that they need to practice their aim?}

"An old habit is to throw toilet paper in the trash can beside the toilet, which causes a major stink that's bad for public sanitation," city Environmental Protection Bureau Director Chang Hwang-jen told Reuters.

"Japanese and Western visitors {That's me!!} who come to Taiwan find this Taiwan toilet habit to be quite poor," she added.

Taiwan's plumbing can now handle toilet paper without clogging the pipes, a break from the past, the city of Tainan told its 764,000 citizens at a news conference {was the conference called for this reason only? because that's awesome} on Monday.

Leaders in other Taiwan cities haven't gotten off the pot on the issue, Chang said. {haha, I get it!}

Toilet sitters in Taiwan and China customarily target {implying they don't always hit it?} trash bins instead of the porcelain because of pipe backup worries. Clogged pipes in Tainan are caused by the flushing of other objects, such as toothbrushes, Chang said.

Sticking non-recyclable toilet paper in the trash also costs the city T$4,600 ($151) per tonne, or T$600 million per year, to treat, local media said. {that's basically like wiping your ass with dolla bills.}

This article is almost 2 years old, and I can assure you that not everyone has converted. This is my effort to spread the word.

Well, Taiwan. The ball is in your court, and the paper is in your hand. Where do you want to put it?

(and stop flushing toothbrushes down the toilet...)

Extended reading: http://www.poopreport.com/Techniques/good_ass_bad_ass.html

Taiwan's Hidden Gem

As I may have mentioned before, our school goes on a "monthly outing." It's a chance for the students (and teachers) to get out of school and see things around Taipei that they might not normally get a chance to do. For example, we've been to the Taipei Zoo, Guandu Nature Park, Songshan Airport, a glass museum, Taipei Botanical Garden, and many of the beautiful parks that Taipei has to offer.

Even though my class has been on all different outings over the past 2 and a half years they've been at the school, nothing could prepare them, or anybody for the outing of a lifetime:

The Postal Museum.

We rolled up to the Postal Museum that Tuesday and were very surprised to find that there was no line to get in. Each class got its own tour guide, and we split up throughout the multi-floor museum.

The first thing we saw was a giant portrait of H.E. Sheng Hsuan Huai, Minister of Yu-Ch'uan Pu (the Minister of Posts and Communications), who memorialized the throne recommending separation of Posts from Customs. It was a great opportunity to remind my students of his lasting legacy and the importance of the separation of Posts and Customs.

I spent the morning being dragged around by my 6-year-olds as they shouted things to me, like "Teacher John! Look at the "Scales used by the Postal Service" exhibit!" and "Check out all the stamp cancelling machines at the "Stamp cancelling machines" exhibit!"

The excitement they displayed brought to light the fact that not many kids get to see "Various hung-up boxes of different countries," or all of the "Historical Sites of the Universal Postal Congresses," and I had a moment of proud satisfaction that I could share the experience with my class.

If you can believe it, there was a real mailbox set up inside the museum. I had the pull out all of my discipline/class control tricks to keep order as we lined up to pose for individual pictures putting an envelope in the slot.

As always, I feed off the energy created by my students, and I quickly took them by hand to the "Equipment for Mail Sealing and Mailbags for Mail Distribution" exhibit. I told them, "Squirrels, this is the equipment they use for mail sealing! And these are the mailbags they use for mail distribution!" My enthusiasm was met with wide-eyes and a gentle applause.

Together, we marveled over the "Postal Museums in the world," and gawked at the "Postal Emblems of different countries" until it was time to leave.

The kindergarten manager came to round up all of the classes, and we reluctantly lined up and headed towards the exit. However, on our way out, out of the corner of my eye, I saw one exhibit we missed. I waited for the manager to turn her back, and quickly led my class to the one exhibit that I highlighted on my map of the museum:

"Equipment used by the Postal Savings Department."

By the time we actually got on the bus and started heading back towards school, the Squirrels and I knew that with this newfound appreciation and knowledge of the Postal Service, mailing a letter would never be the same.

Wednesday Shirts

That's right. T-shirts for $100 NT, or roughly $3.15 USD.

Every Wednesday at school is Casual Day, which obviously means we don't have to wear our uniforms. As a result, Wednesday has become an excellent way to show some originality in a school that prides itself in it's ability to produce cookie-cutter teachers.

One night, my Bri-ish buddy, Rory, and I found an awesome clothing store in a night market near our apartment. Spotting a rack of shirts that said "100元," we went to check it out.

See, the thing is, both Rory and I are tall and have fairly broad shoulders, which makes shopping in Taiwan nearly impossible, especially in the night market scene. Most of the clothes are designed to fit, well, Asians.

With low expectations, we started flipping through the rack and found some pretty hilarious shirts. The most amazing part is that the shirts looked like they could actually fit (which we later decided was the reason they were so cheap...too big for everybody)! Splurging the $100, I decided to buy some. To be honest, I still haven't decided whether I actually like these shirts, or if it's just funny.

What do you think?

Pretty normal, actually...

"Leave me alone. I am not a lonely guy."

Nothin' like a stick man singing a love song through a megaphone...

Last, but certainly not least, Spiderman!

(Did you also notice that I've developed a thing for hearts?)

How's the weather?

The weather? In a word: wet.

In the month of May, the average precipitation for Taipei is 8.4 inches. That's over double what Port Jefferson gets (3.97 inches). Even PJ's rainiest month of the year is only 4.22 inches. For added comparison, the average rainfall for May in London is 1.86 inches, and in Seattle is 2.03 inches.

To be fair, it's not always May. With that being said, in a year, Taipei averages about 80 inches of rain to New York's 40. We're practically drowning over here!*

I read a poem to my class the other day about the 5 senses, which opened with the following lines:

Hear the winds blow,

See the blue skies.

After reading it first, I explain each line, then we get interactive with it.

Hear the winds blow, (have all of the kids blow and make wind noises.)

See the blue skies. (have all of the kids look outside at the ... uh oh.)

"Teacher John, the sky is white."

"Well, in some countries, they have blue skies."

If it's not raining in Taipei, it's probably cloudy. I used a phrase awhile back, "perma-fog," to describe how there's always a blanket of clouds hovering over northern Taiwan. The rain coupled with the almost rain can really create a dreary atmosphere sometimes. That's why whenever I see a ray of sunshine, I try to get outside as soon as possible.

In just over a week, I'm taking my 3 week vacation. I still have tentative plans to thoroughly explore the entire island of Taiwan. As I travel around, I'm also looking for a place to relocate to. I've heard that as soon as you leave Taipei County, the weather gets better the further south you. (Better weather = less extreme temperatures in the summer and winter, and a LOT less rain!)

So, world, how's the weather?

*some of the numbers I used were approximations from http://www.worldclimate.com and www.weather.com.

Hating Life

Dogs in Taiwan hate life. Most of them aren't even real dogs. They go for walks in handbags instead of on leashes. A lot of them can't even wipe their own ass.

They really are more like accessories than pets. In fact, the word for "pet" in Chinese is 宠物, which literally means "pamper-object."

Here are some of the "objects" that get pampered:

"Please don't put this picture up on the internet..."

"I wonder what running through grass feels like..."

"I want to crawl in front of a bus."

"Yo quiero chicken feet, meng!"

Do you see this where you live?

Obstacle Course

I'm not saying that Taiwanese people are completely oblivious to personal space/their surroundings, but they're somewhere between that and hyper-aware.

If you'd like, you can attribute some of this ranting to the fact that most of the situations happen in the morning on the way to work, so I might be a little cranky. My only argument is that it's not the only time of day it happens.

There are quite a few people that start their daily commute at around 8:00 AM, including myself. Living on the 23rd floor (out of a possible 24), I'm usually the first one on the elevator. I also usually plan for the elevator taking an extra 3 or 4 minutes to get to the 1st floor, since we stop. at. every. floor. on. the. way. down. Being the first one aboard the elevator, I inevitably end up in the back. This morning, as 1 of 7 passengers, I was the only one getting off on the 1st floor. The rest were waiting for B1, B2, or B3 to get to their vehicles. However, when the elevator stopped at the 1st floor, not a single person thought anyone would want to get off. Even as I tried to politely say "excuse me" and squeeze my way to the doors, everybody in the mirror-walled elevator pretended not to see or hear me. They were content with not pushing the "<||>" button and letting me join them in the basement. With a fair amount of force, I finally broke free from my corner and made it to the door just as it closed on my shoulders, then spit me out, and I stumbled outside.

I shook my head in disbelief the whole way to work as I dodged fellow pedestrians on the sidewalk. And when I say "sidewalk," I really mean "scooter parking area." The space between a row of parked scooters and the wall of a building is just big enough for an average sized person to fit. In Taiwan, these areas are used as pit stops so you can adjust your shoe, put up/down your umbrella, decide to suddenly start walking like a snail, or, my favorite, wait with 4 other people for your breakfast. Amazing.

Rainy days are the most interesting days because every single person has an umbrella. Just another thing to not be aware of how big it is or how it's going to affect other people around you.

On the bright side, walking to work wakes me up because it forces me to be alert and think outside the box for solutions to what seem like easy problems. I'm just sayin'...

[by the way... thanks for all the comment love! I think the joke was lost in translation, but I wasn't just fishing for responses or for you to say you miss me. I know you do! All 10 of you!!!]

Wǒ kàn bù dǒng.

Directly translated that means "I read don't understand," or more accurately, "What the hell does this say?"

I frequently use this phrase at restaurants upon receiving a menu of Chinese characters, prompting the wait staff to bring me an English menu. It works like a charm.

Tonight, I went for a tasty bowl of beef noodle soup after a long day of work, and the same thing happened. Only this time, I decided to play a matching game, where I look at the Chinese characters on the English menu, then try my best to find the same ones on the Chinese menu, that looks a little bit like this:

...then I can mark the quantity desired.

It's a fun game.

Until you get two extra giant bowls of beef dumpling soup, that although you claim to not want, you've clearly indicated on the menu that you do. Cue the facepalm.

My conclusion: I still can't, and won't ever be able to, read Chinese. I can say most of the things I eat these days, so I should probably stick to that. (But hey! Now I'm a fan of beef dumpling soup!)

A Post a Day

Mission: 7 posts in 7 days.

Objective: Unknown.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in the world! It's Sunday night and I'm pretty bored, so I decided to put into action a plan that I've been thinking about for awhile: 7 posts in 7 days. I don't know why I want to do this, but I'm thinking it might bring out some more interesting things that happen to me in Taiwan on a day to day basis. I tend to save up all my stories for a long post every few weeks. Sometimes that doesn't reflect the flow of life here.

Well, the Sunday evening blues have definitely kicked in. Weekends are awesome, but I don't think there is anything worse than the feeling of another week creeping in on a Sunday night.

Rather than fear the week, I'll talk about the weekend. One cool thing about living in Taiwan that I don't think I mention enough is the foreigner scene. At a party this weekend, I was drinking with people from the US (Florida, Washington, Chicago, and even a Port Jeff Station native!), England, Canada, Mexico, Honduras, South Africa, Hong Kong, and of course, Taiwan. There's nothing like having a drink and exchanging some stereotype digs from country to country. It's pretty amazing to see the collection of people who share the common thread of "foreigner in Taiwan," yet amongst ourselves, we are really different, reminding us that there is nowhere you can go and only be with people who are like you. Give it up.

*worth mentioning:

-I know only like 10 people read my blog

-I like to pretend more people do

-Most of my posts are peppered with sarcasm

So when I say something like "Before you get all "Johnny's coming home!", I'm not actually being so narcissistic that I think any of the 10 people that read that actually for a moment got excited that I'm coming home. So before you get all "How many people do you think actually got all "Johnny's coming home!"?", I know the answer is "probably nobody."

A Quick Update

Well, if you're like me, you're probably thinking "Where did April go?" Chalk another month up for the "now I understand how people spend 5 years here" realization.

As with previous months that went missing, it's because nothing really eventful has happened. But I'll do my best to fill you in:

To start, I've recently just put in my 3 months notice at my current job. Before you get all "Johnny's coming home!" let it be known that I plan on doing (at least) another year before I'm ready to come home for good.

Along that same line, since I'm leaving my school pretty soon, I felt it necessary to take the vacation that I've earned after putting in a year of service. I have 3 weeks (end of May/beginning of June) of glorious vacation coming up. As of now, I'm planning on doing a solo road trip around (literally, all the way around) Taiwan. I've scoped out some spots to stop and it looks like it's going to be great. I'll be sure to avoid this highway that's a mere 5 miles from my apartment.

I've joined a Muay Thai (boxing) club quite recently (I have my 3rd class tomorrow). So far it's great, and I look forward to kicking some ass when I come home.

Oh yeah...I had my first visitor!!!! He goes by the name Flat Stanley and he came via envelope from a 2nd grader in Port Jefferson. If you can't read the subtext, I'm actually asking when you all are going to come and visit(???).

Although I'm far from what I'd even consider "conversational" in terms of Chinese speaking ability, I'm happy with how far I've come. I frequently get complimented on my tones, and I understand a lot of the grammar. I can speak to cab drivers and people at restaurants slightly beyond the necessary information.

My Squirrel class is graduating kindergarten this summer, and for our graduation show, I adapted the story of Robin Hood to fit my class, and we are well into production. I'll be sure to get access to videos of that once it comes around.

Well, world, that's about it from my side. What's new with you?