Wǒ kàn bù dǒng.

Directly translated that means "I read don't understand," or more accurately, "What the hell does this say?"

I frequently use this phrase at restaurants upon receiving a menu of Chinese characters, prompting the wait staff to bring me an English menu. It works like a charm.

Tonight, I went for a tasty bowl of beef noodle soup after a long day of work, and the same thing happened. Only this time, I decided to play a matching game, where I look at the Chinese characters on the English menu, then try my best to find the same ones on the Chinese menu, that looks a little bit like this:

...then I can mark the quantity desired.

It's a fun game.

Until you get two extra giant bowls of beef dumpling soup, that although you claim to not want, you've clearly indicated on the menu that you do. Cue the facepalm.

My conclusion: I still can't, and won't ever be able to, read Chinese. I can say most of the things I eat these days, so I should probably stick to that. (But hey! Now I'm a fan of beef dumpling soup!)