Swim Rage!

[Disclaimer: I swam competitively for almost 15 years, which means I'm used to swimming in a lane with maybe only 5 or 6 other people that swim around the same speed as me. Taiwan is the FIRST place I've ever swum by myself in a public pool during open swim hours.]

Here are some things I've learned about swimming in Taipei, mostly at Daan Sports Center. (Note that these observations have taken place at only 2 pools in Taipei, so please don't misconstrue this as a rant against any group of people.)

• Everyone needs to wear a swimming cap.
• For those that don't know, I shave my head (balding isn't a choice, but bald is a choice). Even at my most important swim meets, I've never been comfortable in a swimming cap. I've gone to the extent of trying to have the lifeguards rub my head (squeaky squeaky!) to prove that none of my hair will get in the pool's drainage system.
• There's no jumping allowed, which can be extended to not even making waves upon entry.
• Neither of the pools I've been to have water deep enough to dive into. I get that the "no jumping" policy is to prevent 14 year old kids from doing cannonballs and breaking their necks, but I had a lifeguard approach me after I merely stepped into the water. I guess I need to sit on the wall and slide in every time?
• Don't get too wet.
• After I finished changing after a swim, I was putting my stuff in my bag, and squeezed the water out of my towel out on the floor in the locker room (which is NOT a multi-purpose locker room. Swimmers only). Somebody noticed that, and here is the subsequent dialogue:
• Him: "You shouldn't do that."
• Me: "Do what?" (with genuine confusion)
• Him: "You shouldn't put all the water on the floor in here. People have to walk here."
• Me: "I... just went swimming..." (Trust me when I say I was able to convey the ellipses in my tone of voice)
• Him: "I know, but you shouldn't put all the water on the floor."
• Me: "Um... where should I put it?"
• He then gestured to somewhere closer to the showers and mumbled something as he walked off, and I apologized. He was visibly offended and upset.
• The guy does have a point. I noticed the first time I went to that pool that the floors in the locker room were made out of some shiny fake wood material (think basketball court), which is not ideal for a place that is meant for wet people (like a break-dancing surface made of sandpaper... not a good idea). It's generally understood that when people come out of the pool, they are wet, and, as a side-effect of gravity and wetness, people drip water on the floor. I can't change that.
• Black clouds and lighting= no problem!
• I don't know if this practice is still up to date, but when I was a lifeguard, the moment I heard thunder, protocol was to get everyone out of the water and wait 30 minutes after the last boom before people were cleared to swim. In the outdoor pool I swam in, there was loud thunder and a blanket of black clouds overhead, but beyond the few dozen skinny, speedo-clad Taiwanese boys who were trying to tan, nobody seemed to mind. 
• "快速水道 Fast Speed Swim Line"
• This is clearly a suggestion, and very far from a description of what's happening in said lane. I understand that people have different speeds, but I can't understand why people need to swim breaststroke (as a swimmer, I use the words "swim" and "breaststroke" very loosely) at speeds that would be more suited for the "casual swimmer lane," the "continuous swimming lane," or even the "practice lane." (FYI: the sign says that if you are in the fast lane, it shouldn't take you more than 70 seconds to swim 50 meters.)
• Ignorance is bliss
• Want to know the secret for having a pleasant swim? Pretend like you are the only person in the water. Once you are in that mindset, you have the whole lane to yourself and you don't need to move for anyone, or acknowledge any people that you could be lined up with to have a head-on collision. At least that's how everyone else seems to do it.

• For real, though. My kicking speed makes some of these people look like buoys, yet when I'm swimming full speed into the wall, they still time their push-off so that it's directly in front of me, ignoring the 20 meters of swimmer-less water in my wake. It's a little bit like being at the grocery store in a hurry to purchase a single item, and somebody sees you jogging towards the open checkout counter, cuts you off, and starts unloading their two shopping carts full of groceries onto the conveyor belt, leaving you to wonder if this person is either blind or rude.

I can't tell if this just a problem stemming from a childhood spoiled with pools full of people with swimming etiquette, or if this is a problem of a complete and utter disregard of swimming etiquette altogether.

The only thing that's for sure is that it's damn hard to motivate myself to get into shape when swimming 50 meters is the real-life equivalent of this (except I don't get bonus points for mounting someone):

**Since writing this, I've become so fed up with the pool where this all took place that I've switched to another pool. As you'd expect, it has its own fun problems, so stay tuned for more swim rage! Arggg!!!