Bills

Me: Hey did you see that notice on our door?
Mike: Yeah, any idea what it's for?
Me: Nope, you?
Mike: No, but I guess we'll find out when they turn it off.



Oh yeah... remember that ice cream/squid combo?

Bittersweet

Lulu: Teacher John, my brother doesn't even know past tense yet.
Teacher John: Really??
Lulu: He asked me to help him with his homework.

Lulu is a 6-year-old Squirrel. Sweet.

Her brother, Yo-yo, is 10, and he's in the Friday evening class I recently took over. Bitter.

The highest I've ever been

As usual, I leave things to the last minute.

On January 2, it was brought to my attention that on January 4, 2010, there would be a new tallest building in the world. Since 2004, Taipei 101's grandiosity has been at the top of the list.*

Since last March, I've been living in the shadow of Taipei 101, eating Subway at its basement food court, buying books at its bookstore, and looking at it from my balcony everyday, but I've never gone the vertical distance and looked over Taipei City from its observatory 1,285 ft. above the ground. Going to the top is something that I deemed "I'll do before I leave," which meant I didn't have to do it until I had plans to leave.

But now, practically visible over the horizon from Taipei 101 itself, Burj Dubai has crept up and is poised to take Taiwan's claim to fame right out from under it. With less than 48 hours to take advantage of the fact that I live only a train ride from the tallest building in the world, I was overcome with a sense of urgency. Must...go...up....

Unfortunately, I was alone in my principles. After a few phone calls, I realized that everyone I know has either been up it already or just doesn't care as much as I do.** That didn't stop me though, because I don't see myself traveling to United Arab Emirates to see the tallest building in the world. My desire to go up 101 was purely for ceremony and not for the view (as proven by my pictures). So alone I went, and faster than I can count to 89 in Chinese, I was on the 89th floor.

I spent a surprisingly long time in 101, despite the Perma-fog that blankets Taiwan. And although I couldn't see very far, I did see the spot on the street that I watched the New Years fireworks from! I basked in the glory of the building and stared into the mist from the Outdoor Observatory on the 91st floor until I saw a patch of blue sky and what appeared to be the sun. Then, at nearly free-falling velocity, I took the elevator back down, bought a book, ate Subway, went home and stepped out onto my balcony to look at the lame-duck tallest building in the world, one last time.

It was a good run, Taipei 101.



*Please do not bother me with your BS definition of "tallest building." I don't make the rules, I just read them and follow them.

**I was pumped to go to 101, and every phone call I made was met with negativity. My favorite was people arguing that it's not even the tallest building. Obviously Burj Dubai is taller already (and has been for a few months), but it doesn't open for business until Jan. 4, and therefore does not claim "tallest building" status yet. And whatever needles, antennas, towers, etc. that might be closer to space than 101, I'm not really concerned with. What I will go by is whatever the Council on Tall Buildings and Urban Habitats has to say.

Happy New Year!

I know you're all jealous that by the time the ball dropped in NYC, 2009 was already a distant memory for me.

Speaking of jealousy, I bet you were panicked wondering where Ja Rule was on New Years. Don't worry, he was in Taipei performing at a club. And while I'm sure the fireworks you saw weren't shooting off of the shortest building in the world, they most certainly weren't off the tallest. Finally, just to make sure you are green with envy, did you and 20 other people rent out a private karaoke room at 4:00 in the morning? I'll take that silence as a "no."

Anyway... Happy New Year's everybody!!

Resolutions:
- take more pictures
- do more things that I can take pictures of
- swim more
- learn more Chinese
- call home more

So this is Christmas...

Post-Christmas thought: What just happened?

In surreal, dream-sequence fashion, Christmas came and left, just as all of the other days here. All around Taipei, there were Christmas decorations, but everything felt so disconnected. 7-Eleven was playing Christmas music, but the atmosphere was still lacking in the Christmas "spirit." It felt, and was, just a commercial holiday implanted somewhere it doesn't belong.

For starters, Christmas fell on Marathon Friday this year. Which means I worked from 8:30-3:30, 4:00-5:00, and then a quick 5:00-7:00 to finish off the day.

When I woke up Christmas morning, everything just felt wrong. There was no tree, no family, no excitement. As I walked to school, I noticed that nothing was different outside. It was as if everybody else forgot it was Christmas. The confusion and resentment was starting to build up as I walked into school humming "Blue Christmas."

The confusion didn't subside when I saw all of the students. They were dressed up in costume. Thinking I somehow entered a terrible nightmare, I said "good morning" to students that looked like bees, dinosaurs, princesses, and cowboys. My body went through the routine motions, just like everyday, but my head was spinning. Was it Halloween or Christmas?

Although it was pretty much an assassination of the holiday, it had its cute moments. Each class screamed a Christmas song, everybody got to sit on Santa's lap, and we just colored and played the whole day. Amidst the carnage, there was a five minute period where I felt Christmasy: when the kids opened their presents they screamed and jumped up and down like... well, like a kid on Christmas.

Unfortunately that wasn't enough Christmas cheer to keep my spirits up for the next 7 hours of work. I'm glad I don't have to do that everyday.

Wayne's World

To get ready to sing our Christmas song on Friday, I had some kids compete to see who could sing the last bit of "The 12 Days of Christmas" the fastest.

The winner: Wayne! (any challengers?)



-*PICTURE UPDATES*-

That was a doozy!

On December 19, 2008, I said to Dave, “Dave, convince me to go to Taiwan with you.” And he did.

This year on December 19, I was talking to Dave on Skype and he said, "Holy shit, there's an earthquake!" And he was right.

On the anniversary of our college commencement, Taiwan was jostled to the tune of a 6.4 magnitude earthquake. Yikes.

That's two years in a row I've felt like the world was spinning.

Kids say the darndest things

Ariel(yes, just like the Little Mermaid): Teacher John, yesterday my mother talked to Santa Clause on the telephone.
Teacher John: Oh yeah? What did she say?
Ariel: I don't know! My mother's English is very bad!

Nevermind

I hereby take back everything I said in this post. Those turned out to be isolated incidents, which have not been at all consistent with anything that's happened since then.

My bad.

A Heart and Two Leaves: Part 2

Time to try the tea we learned how to harvest!

The mountain in Muzha is covered with dozens of tea houses that harvest and make their own tea. The hillside plantations are most famous for Tieguanyin and Baozhong tea, so there was no way we could hop back into our trusty cab and roll back to Taipei without trying it. After a small sample of Tieguanyin at the Promotion Center, our tour guide sent us in the direction of Yao Yue Teahouse.

At this very famous 24-hour tea joint, Mike, Terri, Brian, and I were seated on a porch overlooking the mountains. Although at a brisk temperature of somewhere around 60 Fahrenheit, the atmosphere was quite serene. Due to the chilly weather, we were one of the only groups at the restaurant. Craving Taiwanese tea to warm ourselves up, we took our server's recommendation and ordered the Baozhong tea.

To clear up any misconceptions, Baozhong is not a Snapple flavor, and isn't exactly prepared like a Lipton tea-bag. At Yao Yue Teahouse, I learned a life skill that forever changed what used to be a simple process: the art of making tea.

After we watched the waiter prepare the first cup for us, he left us to fend for ourselves if we wanted anymore. For those of you taking notes, let's first start with the required materials: A tea leaf getter-outer, a tea leaf getter-outer basket, an earthenware waste bowl, an earthenware teapot (with lid), a small earthenware pitcher, a funnel filter, a smelling thimble, a tea cup, a run-off tray, boiling water, and of course, tea leaves.

Okay, so first you take the tea leaf getter-outer and put the tea leaves in the earthenware teapot (with lid), and overfill the teapot with boiling water so it spills over onto the run-off tray, then you pour the contents into each smelling thimble and tea cup, then discard everything into the waste bowl (it is essential to first warm all of the cups), then refill the earthenware teapot (with lid) with the boiling water, let steep for 50 seconds, then pour, in a swirling motion, into the funnel filter, which is in the small earthenware pitcher, then fill each smelling thimble with tea, and place a teacup upside-down over the smelling thimble, then swiftly turn it upside-down and lift the smelling thimble out of the teacup. Smell the smelling thimble. Drink the tea. Repeat up to 3 times for each batch of tea leaves.

Got it?

Along with enjoying some thin noodles in tea oil, and sweet potato leaves, we each took turns performing the tea-making ritual, making sure that nobody skipped a step or steeped for too long. Although each time we only got about a sip of tea, they were the most finely prepared and most sophisticated sips of tea I've ever had.

"Are you going to tell your buddies from home about this, John?" Terri asked, as I sipped my tea with my pinkie out. I guess so.

Practical? No.
Traditional? Yes.
Worth the effort? Probably not.
Would I do it again? Absolutely.
Even if I had to do the dishes? Not a chance.

A Heart and Two Leaves: Part 1

Living in/around a city like Taipei, it's nice to get out every now and then. Although Taipei is a very large, busy, and densely populated city, the fact that it is surrounded by mountains on almost all sides makes it pretty easy to find a peaceful getaway. After all, nothing soothes the weekday blues like a cup of fresh tea on a quiet mountainside.

Assuming the role of tourists in the country where we are Alien Residents, I headed to Muzha with Mike, along with his visiting aunt and uncle, Terri and Brian. After taking the MRT to its limits at the Taipei Zoo station, we made our way to a line of cabs. Sure enough, one cab driver correctly recognized that we speak English, and won our affection and patronage by speaking a little English and knowing exactly where we wanted to go.

The cab itself had lost the "new car smell" many, many years ago. The tachometer needle, jerking uncontrollably, made itself at home in the red zone, even when idling. Nevertheless, it dragged it's four passengers, with an average height of about 6'2", up the mountain. The driver entertained us with questions about our origins, and stories about his dreams of marrying a woman from the Philippines.

"I don't think it will ever come true," the smiling old man sadly stated. Sympathetically smiling back, I asked him why he thinks it won't happen. He gently patted his pocket and said, "No money, no honey." Indeed.

During the climb, we all peeked out from between our knees at the beautiful scenery. Going up the switchbacks, we looked over the steep cliffs and saw Taipei 101 piercing the sky from behind the tall peaks. Finally, the struggling cab rolled to a stop in front of Taipei Tea Promotion Center.

Inside the building, we were given somewhat of a private tour. Due to the temporary suspension of the Maokong Gondola, the Promotion Center is also not running on all cylinders and is more or less closed. However, our tour guide insisted that since we are from very far away, we should be able to see how the tea is harvested and made, so we entered a live episode of "How It's Made: Tea."

With that, we learned how the tea trees are grown, how the leaves are harvested, and also about the 3-day heating/drying/fermenting process between the time it is harvested and the time it's ready for consumption.

1. plucking TGY tea leaves
2. sun-dried withering
3. cooling
4. tossing
5. air-conditional withering
6. stop oxidation
7. curling
8. drying
   

We even learned all the benefits tea has over coffee (fascinating, but I was not converted). Now that we were tea-harvesting experts, it was time to get out and try some of the finished product.

GMT +8

Here's something that confused me for about a week: Daylight Savings Time happened and I didn't realize it. I'm now one hour further into the future! Speaking of the future...


One day on the train, Mike and I spotted a New York Yankees t-shirt that read "2009 World Champions."

"The Taiwanese really love the Yankees, eh?" Mike observed (yes, he is Canadian). Yankees apparel is more than abundant in Taiwan, thanks to 'Yankee fever' brought over by Tainan native Chen Ming Wang (I'm desperately waiting for the discovery of a vaccination).

"Yeah, they do," I agreed. "But wait, the Yankees didn't win the World Series in 2009. Nobody did."

This was about 6 months ago. I thought for sure such a bold prediction would jinx the Yanks. No such luck.

Just to give you an idea

After a long day of window-shopping and wandering around Taipei, Mike and I wound up in the XinYi area (near Taipei 101). In the food court of one of the malls, we found an interesting food venue.

It was very similar to the concept of a Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins and KFC/Taco Bell joint restaurant. Only this place served some gourmet-looking ice cream and frozen yogurt on one end of the counter, and squid shavings on the other end.

Allow me to explain what I mean by "squid shavings." Imagine yourself peeling a potato or a carrot with a peeler. Now imagine a squid in your hand instead of that potato or carrot. Now imagine putting the shavings in a little french fry pouch.

To be honest, I didn't even notice the squid shavings at first. Not because I'm used to seeing such, how can I say, delicious treats (who remembers Tuna Tidbits?), but because I had a jonesin' for a strawberry/vanilla swirl and was damn focused on getting it.

While my soft serve ice cream was being caught by my swiveling wafer cone, Mike and I heard what was, although in Chinese, undeniably the sound of a child begging for something. A parent was being dragged to the Ice Cream/Squid counter, and to my amazement, the child kept pointing at the little bags of squid shavings until one was in her hands.

Mike and I watched the girl happily walk off, leaving us standing there dumbfounded holding ice cream cones.

Spain for a Day

The Squirrels are over English... we've moved on to Spanish.

On Friday evening, we finally had our International Day show. For the occasion, each teacher had to choose a country to have their class learn about and then present to the parents. In general, our school has a major emphasis on drama and role-plays, but International Day is one of the only occasions where the parents get to see their kids in action speaking English. Between that and the parent/teacher meeting immediately after, the day is kind of a big deal. Since my class has been in the kindergarten the longest (almost 3 years), I was given only two words of instruction: "Impress us."

I decided to teach my class about Spain. With a country like Spain, there is plenty of material to work with and lots of fun and interesting facts to include in a presentation. About six weeks ago we began preparation. This included writing a script, assigning parts, making/getting props, working out stage directions and transitions, and of course, making sure the students memorized their lines with acceptable pronunciation.

After a handful of rehearsals for the front office, we were ready to go! In front of a large crowd of parents, the show was executed with perfection. Between the large tomato fight, the choreographed bullfighting scene, and the elaborate and synchronized Spanish dance (all the credit for the dance goes to my co-teacher), the Squirrels blew everyone away with a great performance, making one very proud Teacher John.

Due to the unlikelihood that I will be able to obtain video footage of the show that will most likely be nominated for Best Performance, Best Director, and Best Choreography, I will supply you with the original script. Should you choose to actually read it (you should, you might learn something), bear in mind that my class could sight-read most of this.

Spain: An Introduction

Bienvenidos a Espana! That means “Welcome to Spain!” Spain is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. In fact, more people visit Spain every year than any other country except for France. Spain has beautiful beaches, majestic landscapes and is also full of culture and history. What else does Spain have? Let’s find out.

Spain is located in Southwestern Europe. The capital of Spain is Madrid. Spain is on the Iberian Peninsula. A peninsula is a piece of land that has water on 3 sides. Spain shares a border with France on the north side and Portugal on the West.

The official language of Spain is Spanish. There are around 400 million Spanish speakers worldwide, making it the fourth most spoken language in the world. Spanish is also the official language in 20 other countries, including Mexico, Chile, and Peru.

The Spanish flag has three horizontal stripes: two are red and one is yellow. In the yellow stripe is the Spanish Coat of Arms, which represents Spain’s constitutional monarchy. That means that Spain has a democracy, but also has a king.

The population of Spain is about 46 million people. That’s twice as many people that live in Taiwan! Spain is also about fifteen times bigger than Taiwan, with an area of about 504,000 km. Almost ¼ of Spain’s residents live in its two biggest cities: Madrid and Barcelona.

Spain has a very diverse geography. It has areas with mountains, plains, and it also has some islands. This makes the weather in Spain very different all over the place. Spain has five different climates within the country. Climate is another word for the weather in a country.

Culture

The most popular religion in Spain is Catholicism. Almost 90% of Spanish people are Catholics. A long time ago, Spain had kings that made everybody in the country believe in the same thing. Now, people can do whatever they want.

One of the best features about Spain is its cathedrals. A cathedral is a giant church where people can go to pray. There are almost 100 cathedrals in Spain, and all of them are very beautiful. The most famous cathedral in Spain is “La Sagrada Familia,” which is in Barcelona.

Once very fun festival in Spain is “La Tomatina.” Every year in a town called Bunol, there is a large food fight. First, someone tries to get a ham from the top of a greased pole. Then many trucks that are filled with tomatoes come to Bunol and dump all the tomatoes in the street. Then, people throw them at each other for one hour.

Spain has many different kinds of foods. A lot of Spanish dishes are made with beans and rice. One very popular food is gazpacho, which is a cold tomato soup. Spain also has many very delicious desserts, such as arroz con leche, which is a kind of rice pudding mixed with milk. Flan is a kind of custard cake with caramel on top. Spain is also known for its seafood dishes, such as Paella.

A very popular and traditional kind of dancing in Spain is Flamenco. This is a very unique style of dancing that is usually with somebody playing the guitar and someone singing. Flamenco dancing is very difficult and very graceful.

The most popular sport in Spain is football. Spain is home to some of the most competitive football teams in the entire world. Real Madrid is one of the best teams in all of Europe. They’ve won the UEFA Champions League nine times. Many Spanish children play football and hope to be on a real team some day.

Famous Spaniards

My name is Rafael Nadal and I am a famous Spanish tennis player. Although I am currently ranked number 2 in the world, I was number 1 from August 2008 to July 2009. I got the nickname “The King of Clay” for winning 81 straight clay-court matches. I am only 23 years old and already have six Grand Slam titles.

My name is Pablo Picasso, but most people just call me “Picasso.” I am one of many famous artists to come from Spain. Many people don’t think I am a good artist because a lot of my paintings are abstract, which means they don’t always look like real things. However, my art is very recognizable, such as my painting called “Guernica.”

I am Salvador Dali, and I am also a famous Spanish artist. Just like Picasso, I am most famous for my abstract paintings. I lived from 1904 to 1989 and was an important part of the surrealist movement. You have probably seen my most famous painting: The Persistence of Memory.

I am Miguel de Cervantes, a Spanish writer from the 1500’s. I was so good at writing that some people call Spanish “The Language of Cervantes.” My most famous book is Don Quixote, which many consider to be the first modern novel, and one of the best ever written. Here is Done Quixote now…

Hello, I am Don Quixote of la Mancha. I traveled around Spain searching for a princess and doing many nice things for people. Most people thought I was so nice that I was a little bit crazy. I had a friend named Sancho that came with me to be my friend.

Bullfighting

Spain is also famous for bullfighting, also called “The running of the bulls.” In Pamplona, the bulls are released and chase people down the street. Even though it is very dangerous and scary, people like to run away from the bulls. At the end of the street, the bulls go into the bullfighting ring.

Bullfighting is a very traditional ritual. In the Running of the Bulls, a man called a “matador,” has a fight with a bull. First, the matador enters the ring with a red cape and a sword, and he salutes the audience. Then the bull is released.

Most of the bulls are very angry and run at the matador and try to stab him with its very sharp horns. Bullfighting is very dangerous. The matador has to be very careful as he dodges the bull. He uses the cape to distract it as he moves out of the way. Then, the bull gets too tired to run at the matador.

Once the bull is too tired to run around, the matador can move in for the kill. The matador gets the bull to charge him one more time, then quickly stabs him in the back of the neck, killing him instantly. Although many people think this is very mean, there are also many people who enjoy watching this and think it is very beautiful.

Ni Hao-lloween

Trick or treat!


Halloween is a very cute time of year to be working at a kindergarten.

In the morning, each class takes turns going through a decently elaborate haunted house set up in one of the classrooms. There were a few scare-stations built into it where Mike and I hid out and waited for the kids to come through. Escorted by the Chinese teachers, the kids came through in groups of about 4 or 5. Upon entry, the Chinese teachers would say the names of the kids loud enough for me and Mike to hear so we could adjust our scare level (ranging from doing nothing, to a spooky laugh, to reaching out from the dark to grab arms and legs). Given that the maximum age was probably 6 years old, and the average age was about 4, tears were inevitably shed.

Next stop: trick or treating! On a regular basis, my class, as mentioned before, is full of angels and princesses. To nobody's surprise, that's what they all were for Halloween. Just about every girl was wearing a long sparkling dress along with some girly accessory, along the likes of a tiara, wings, a wand, etc. The boys showed up as Batman, Superman, a knight, a pirate, and a pumpkin. And off we go...

Sticking close to school, we stopped at 5 pre-determined and pre-supplied shops around Shijr to sing the two Halloween songs we had been practicing for what seemed like the better part of my tenure here. Leaving my pride and shame at home that morning, I led my class around wearing a big diaper, a bib, and a pacifier dangling from my mouth. At around 11:00 on the morning of Friday, October 30, life went on as usual in Shijr, except for the costume parade making its way around town.



To cap off a great day, I "volunteered" to host the Halloween parade back at school. This involved me addressing the 100+ students in the kindergarten, and introducing each class and each student so they could show off their costumes.



Cute by day, but when the sun goes down, Halloween is just as it is back home: An excuse for girls to dress as slutty as possible because (they think) nobody will judge them.

Dave, Natalie, and me disguised as Bruce Lee, the Queen of Hearts, and a swimmer.



[special thanks to T-Chellie for the pics. My camera is, as one might say, "over the wall."]

A stroke of curiousity

When I come home, would it be at all rude or presumptuous for me to try to speak Chinese to any Asian-looking people I see on the street?

[That is rhetorical, depending on whether anyone answers it.]

Eureka!

I've discovered a way to learn Chinese while teaching! A simple, yet coy, operation where both parties can share a language exchange. My students and I have formed a successful symbiotic relationship. Here's the catch: My Chinese lessons are all in English. Sometimes terrible, broken English.

But that's just it. My students are at a level which they are both able and competent enough to use their English abilities and run with it beyond their comfort zone. They don't need to stick to the grammar patterns we've been learning, but they rather say whatever is on their mind using what they already know.

This is an idea that I've taken into consideration in the past few weeks:

I've stopped trying to teach, as one might conventionally think of teaching; filling someone's head with facts. Instead, I've started teaching by asking "how," and "why," and "what if" questions.

Try to remember what you learned when you were in kindergarten. Really. Try. Or don't, because it doesn't matter. The purpose of kindergarten is to build a foundation for education. I would put a large sum of NTD(New Taiwan Dollars) on the claim that my students won't remember what a stethoscope is or that a giraffe's tongue is 50 cm long(almost 2 feet...gross). However, assuming they continue their English studies, I hope that it will benefit them knowing that if someone asks them to describe a trip to the doctor, they have the confidence and ability to take a situation that happens in Chinese and recap it in English.

It's during these moments, which Oxford seminars has appropriately labeled "magic moments," when you, as a teacher, realize that the kid has just uttered a series of English words by utilizing every tool and every resource they've ever learned from you. It's pretty incredible listening to a kid try to tell you something, then stop mid-sentence because he realizes he doesn't know the English for the word he wants to use, start from the beginning and take a completely different approach on the same thought, using what he does know, and ultimately achieve his goal, which is usually teacher comprehension and satisfaction.

However precious these moments are, perfection is hardly the aim and almost never the result. And this is where my Chinese lessons come in(you either forgot or thought I forgot what I was talking about).

For months I've been teaching English without understanding exactly who I'm teaching it to. I've been trying my best to abolish what my class now refers to as "Baby Sentences," which I've come to realize are only literal translations from Chinese to English. Cue the lighting of the epiphanic light bulb because my job just got easier. After a few conversations with some of my Chinese speaking friends, they've translated the Baby Sentences back into Chinese, and I can understand what the students are trying to say, therefore making it easier for me to correct them.

"There have cockroach." This sentence pattern drove me nuts! That is, until I realized what it means. There (that place, i.e. the wall) have (in this case we'd say 'has,' as in 'in its possession') cockroach (species of indestructible insects that are ever-present in my classroom). "That wall has a cockroach," or how we'd probably say it in English, "There's a cockroach."

And what I extract from the situation is the Chinese grammar. In Chinese, it seems like everything "has" something; here, there, he, I. With the same approach, I've learned grammar patterns that make sense out of "I give you see," "So big check," "He used me," so on and so forth.

At the end of this long-winded post, I can only compare myself to the very kids that I teach. I, too, but at a much lower level, am taking words that I already know and using them in sentences that I've picked up on. While this may come across as logical, because yeah, it is, but like so many other things in life, without that "eureka" moment, logic just doesn't seem that logical.

Who's next?

I'd like to extend a warm Asian welcome to Adam and Steve, who have just recently touched down in Korea.

That's two more New Paltz alums to travel west to get to the East to spread the gift of language, which begs the question, "Who's next?" Kinney? D-Lo?

For fresh opinions within new borders, head over to Adam's blog and Steve's blog for updates on their adventures.

For future reference, you can get there under my Quick-links on the right side of my page.

Welcome to Asia, boys! Good luck!

I'm glad you asked

Happy birthday Mom!!

I think October can be chalked up under the tag "months that went missing." It's just another relatively long period of time that swiftly passed undetected, again striking up the realistic question of just exactly how much time can sneak by before I notice that I've been here for too long. Only time will tell.

My lack of blogging is exactly as it appears to be: I have nothing to say. Starter X has finally settled into a nice groove, where I can demand and expect control and productivity. The Squirrels are still angelic geniuses who literally have left me speechless with the things that come out of their mouth. For example, during a brainstorm activity related to a book we were reading, I decided to bring up evolution. When asked "Why do you think a cheetah has spots?", a question which I was only half prepared to answer, one girl raised her hand and answered quite matter-of-factly, "I think a cheetah has spots so we can use its skin to make a bag." I know what you're thinking, and you're right; In addition to hiding enormous brains behind adorable faces, they've got style. Next question: "Why do you think a rabbit has long ears?" Good question, Teacher John, why don't you at least try to challenge us. "A rabbit has to have long ears, otherwise it will not hear the other animals that want to eat it." I've spent the past week since this incident trying to figure out how, if I was required to, I would even explain the word "otherwise." I'm open to suggestions.

During nap time, it's a kindergarten joke that after all the other teachers are finished complaining about how idiotic their kids are, they turn to me and ask me what the Squirrels thought of War and Peace. (They hated it. I made sure they are Shakespeare scholars.)

If you haven't seen through it already, this blog is less of me trying to convince you how smart my kids are, and more of me trying to use them to show you how much fun I'm having.

I tell stupid stories for a living. I talk about animals all day, and as long as I explain the grammar I'm using, it's considered teaching. For International Day, I got to choose a country to have my class present (Spain) and I got to pick out what I thought were the coolest things to have my kids say. They listen when I talk, because as long as I'm acting as if it's the most awesome thing I've ever said, they believe me. And when I'm finished, they say "Cool! I want to learn more!" (true story).

It's a total cliche, but like Confucius said, "Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life." Or, as Kanye West said many years later, "Welcome to the good life..."

Hualien-nation

Waking up at 6:30 on a Saturday morning is a steep price to pay to see the beautiful, partially secluded, east coast of Taiwan. But, as it turns out, it was the only price I had to pay.

Once a year, my boss and her husband sponsor an overnight staff trip to somewhere in Taiwan. This year, it was to Farglory Ocean Park and the luxurious Farglory Hotel (really check this place out) in Hualien. Most known for Taroko Gorge, Hualien County is located in the middle of Taiwan along the Pacific Coast. A few hours on a train gave me the opportunity to see the coastline, which has mountains jutting out of it only a few hundred years inland.

It was a gorgeous weekend for a trip through Taiwan, although it was slightly on the warmer side. We trekked down from Taipei County via train, hypnotically staring out the window at miles and miles of ocean. Once in Hualien, we boarded a bus, which I'd like to mention (although it should go without saying) was fully equipped with karaoke microphones every few rows. The bus rolled onwards until we reached the gate to the hotel, only a stone's throw from the crashing waves of the ocean. We spent the next 10 minutes climbing the driveway, which had about ten switchbacks to alleviate the incline up a decent sized mountain. At the top, the view was dizzying. On one side of the hotel there was nothing but Pacific blue as far as the eye could see. And on the other side, an enormous valley of rivers and towns surrounded by majestic mountain ranges.

Once at the hotel, we dropped off our bags, received our room assignments, and hopped back on the bus. We meandered our way back down the mountain to Farglory Ocean Park, which happens to be about half-way down the driveway. Ocean Park is like a miniature SeaWorld and Six Flags hybrid. There was a dolphin show, a seal show and plenty of low-speed, yet highly thematic rides to keep a child entertained for a day.

We broke off into smaller groups, where I and a few of my other male colleagues putzed around for awhile trying to entertain ourselves for a few hours. We had about 2 hours until we could actually check into our rooms, and at this point, every minute spent outside was another minute closer to going from rare to medium-rare.

Trudging along from ride to ride in the scorching heat and saturating humidity, only one thought kept us alive. A detail that would give the trip an identity: The hotel has a swim-up bar.

Once we got back to the hotel, it was board shorts, bathing caps, and Coronas in the pool for the rest of the afternoon. Miles away from ordinary.

The rest of the trip included an extravagant buffet dinner, where I actually had a second helping of snail (and dozens of other delicacies). After dinner, it was back to the pool bar, and later the karaoke bar. The Taiwanese take their karaoke very seriously, so you actually have to pay to sing, to the point of renting private rooms for small groups. Refusing to pay, but not depriving the alcohol-induced urge to sing, we arranged with the bartender to let a small group of us perform an a cappella rendition of "Too Good to be True" for the six other people in the bar.

The night did not stop there, but the rest of the details are about as vivid as they are important. To give you a better platform for your imaginations to dive from, keep in mind that we did not bring a change of clothes to the pool, so we spent the night patrolling the hotel in flip flops, bathing suits, sunglasses and bathing caps.

It's like they say: "When in Hualien, do as the Hualienonians do."

photo updates here and on Facebook.