Target Audiences

Watching a sporting event on television in the U.S., you'd be likely to see advertisements for Axe, Old Spice, Miller Lite, car wax, and Viagra in between innings, periods, halves, quarters, etc.

Right now, I'm watching a baseball game between two Taiwanese teams, and

Back in Action

I'm back in Incheon International Airport in Korea's capital city, smack dab in the middle of a 7 hour layover. After spending 14 hours on a place in a middle seat (limiting my arms to T-rex style usage only), I arrived here at about 3:00 in the morning Korea-time, then had to wait about another three hours until anything in the airport opened. Oh, the joys of travelling.

Hello, My name is...

JOHN is the most popular 1.st name in USA (... 1.john , 2.david , 3.michael , 4.robert , 5.james ...). One in every 25 Americans are named as JOHN and popularity of name JOHN is 39.93 people per thousand.

If we compare the popularity statistics of JOHN to USA's population statistics, we can estimate that as of August.02.2010 04:40there are 12,372,824 people named as JOHN in the United States and the number of JOHN's are increasing by 104,925 people every year.

Usage of John as a first name is 72.86% and its usage as a middle name is 27.14%. The sum of alphabetical order of letters in JOHN is 47 and this makes JOHN arithmetic buddies with words like Elated. Add "Courtesy of PokeMyName.com' tag and feel free to distribute, copy, republish this interesting, accurate and also useless report about name JOHN. :)

To balance these statistics out, hardly any Taiwanese people choose that name when browsing for an English name.

Apparently they are sick of hearing the names John and Mary because they are used in every guided conversation in every English text book distributed in Asia. Two times in as many days, I've heard someone mock this conversation:

"Hello, John, how are you... Hello, Mary. I'm fine thank you..." and so on and so forth.

Sorry, Mom. Apparently we have boring names.

(what does YOUR name look like in sign language, morse code, marine flag language, and barcode????)

PS. I'm in Korea!

Celebs?

For the most part, I've gotten really used to daily life in Taiwan. The scooters, the sugary bread, the questionable street-side cuisine, the signs I can't read, the lot of it. For the past 14 or so months, I've come to terms with it and I'm hardly phased.

Some of the Taiwanese, however, can't meet me half way on that front.

Trips to the supermarket, certain restaurants, and just about everywhere in Taipei are hardly ever uneventful. I still get that paranoid feeling that everybody is staring at me because I'm a foreigner. By definition, though, it's not paranoia. I don't have a baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others. They are actually staring at me.

Eyes of children are locked on target with mouths stuck open as I walk down the aisle at the store. They creep to safety behind a parent's leg without ever disengaging their curious stare.

On the subway, children peer through limbs down the car at the strange looking man with no hair and whose skin has a pinkish hue. I've seen a child whisper something to her mother while pointing at me, and her mother gently slapped her hand. I can't even imagine what she was saying.

Another encounter with children involves them being forced by their parents to come and say "hello" to the foreigner to practice their English. Then it's time to throw on a quick smile that I thought I had abandoned at 3:30 on Friday afternoon.

I get it. Kids worldwide are ignorantly shameless when it comes to pointing and staring. In all fairness, compared to a place like the U.S., it doesn't seem like Taiwanese kids get exposure to as diverse a population at such an early age. It's just that I kind of wish they would grow out of the fascination...

"Ah-scuse me. May I take picture wiss you?"

I'm walking through the subway station with Mike. Two high school aged looking Taiwanese girls come up to us with that question. We look at each other with identical puzzled expressions. We say "sure." The girls giggle, turn around and about eight other girls appear from the crowd and surround us. Once the camera appears, pinkies, ring fingers, and thumbs instinctively fold down due to years of conditioning. The giggling continues as they walk away, passing the camera around and inspecting the pictures, which I'm sure contain a Canadian and an American with "What the (expletive) is happening right now?" looks across their faces.

Without exaggerating, I'd estimate this happens on a monthly basis (twice in 10 minutes at a museum one time). It's always the same routine: send the cutest, most confident one of the group, and after compliance, swarm the foreigners with "peace sign" two fingers already glued to their faces in "cute" pose.

One of my favorite things to do is imagine if something like this happened back home. A group high schoolers (girls and boys alike) see an Asian person at the train station and run up to them to take their picture. Will somebody please try that and let me know how it goes?

(the lack of "peace signs" in this picture is almost creepy...)

Free money

How great is it when you put on your coat for the first time since last winter, only to discover you left a $5 bill in it? That's essentially free money. You just got paid to wear that coat.

Having an extremely optimistic attitude towards everything helps grasp this crazy "free money" logic

When it rains

With just about two weeks to go until I come home, the seams of my life are starting to show signs of wear and tear.

Last weekend, my new(ish) camera, that had been battle-tested according to the previous post, didn't survive a beach music festival. The "waterproof" tag on my camera holds true only in the sense that there is proof that it's been in the water.

Dusk

It's nearing the end of another chapter in my story in Taiwan. In a short 4 weeks, I'll be leaving Shijr, my school, and my Squirrel class for good. Although I'm headed for what I hope to be greener pastures, I'm not looking forward to leaving them!

I recently bought a water-proof/drop-proof digital camera

Gutted

Apparently somebody already came up with the idea that tortured pets are suicidal...

Anyway, I found the poster-dog for suicidal Taiwanese dogs:

Ups and Downs

Day 3: Wufengchi Waterfall Trifecta and the Highway from Hell

After a solid night's sleep at Surfer Inn, I got a good start on Day 3. I hopped back on the highway and went south towards Ilan city (which I had been aimlessly exploring the previous day, looking for a hostel). Armed with my Lonely Planet guide book and some random tourists maps I'd collected along the way, I searched for something to do. Wufengchi Waterfall was next on my to do list.

What goes up...

Day 2: Sandiaojiao, Caoling Trail (Dali), Wai'ao

Bearing in mind my closing thought from Day 1, I woke up at around 4:00 am on Day 2. Longmen campsite is only a few miles away from Sandiaojiao, which happens to be the most eastern point in Taiwan. How can you visit a sight like this at a time other than sunrise?

Turn right at Bitou

Day 1: Nanya, Bitou, Longdong, Fulong (for more photos, clickski)

I jumped on my scooter and pointed it in the direction of the nearest beach and took off. For the first while, I was driving behind buses and choking on exhaust. Finally, the highway dumped me onto the Rt. 2 coastal highway with a smile smeared across my face as I stared out over the ocean. It was about 10:30 AM and the sun was at full strength above me. Tracing the northern part of the North East coast, I began my journey.

Hating Life 2

I'm back from my scooter adventure! Both my scooter and I made it back in one piece (that's one piece each, although it feels as though we are conjoined). I did a lot of sightseeing and took about 1,000 pictures. I only got back a few hours ago, so you can't possibly expect this post to be about my trip. Instead I bring you...

More dogs in Taiwan that hate their lives...

No, this is not a stylish new t-shirt. To make matters worse, this guy (yes) was so proud to have me take the picture.

Found this little guy in Taroko Gorge being carted around in a little doggy cart. He may hate his life, but sled dogs are green with envy.

"How can this adorable thing hate his life??" you ask. Well, he doesn't exactly have a home. And he was swarming with flies. And I stopped to take a picture of him, not feed him, making him a certified Life-Hater.

I feel terrible putting this picture up, but this is not an uncommon sight. This dog is actually offended that I am posting pictures of dogs wearing clothes and claiming they hate their lives. This is the reason why I attended an event and contributed to helping the ever-growing Taiwan SPCA.

This dog... wait, is that a deer? Given their current relative situations, that dog in the background loves its life. The rope around that deer's neck is just long enough for it to stand up, making that deer a Life-Hater for sure.

...East Coast

(props to you if you get the reference in the title)

I'm outa here! I'm taking my trusty (knock on wood) scooter down the scenic East Coast of Taiwan!

Tomorrow I'll be making a pit stop at the eastern most point of Taiwan, and over the following 2 weeks, the plan is to make it down the coastal highway all the way to the southern most point, and back up. I lost interest in actually circling the entire island when I started actually mapping out the route. East side is where it's at.

If you are interested to see where I'm going, check out these 2 sites:

http://www.necoast-nsa.gov.tw/user/Article.aspx?Lang=2&SNo=02000005

http://www.lonelyplanet.com/taiwan/east-coast

...or just wait until I come back, and you can see all my pictures.

See ya later!

To flush, or not to flush?

***Disclaimer: If you are eating, I'd recommend checking back later. We're discussing bathroom etiquette today.

In many stalls in many bathrooms throughout Taiwan, there is a little trash can situated next to the toilet. It is apparently widely understood that, upon completing what we can refer to as "#2," the tissue should be placed in the trash can, and not flushed down the toilet.

(It's about to get graphic...)

This custom raises a lot of questions and crosses many, many moral boundaries. I understand the fear of clogging the pipes, but honestly, if what I just flushed can make it through the plumbing, then a little bit of wet paper should have no problem following it. I'm just sayin'.

And here's another thing: I don't want to smell, and I REALLY don't want to see the remnants of your business while I'm taking care of mine. It's a bit nauseating, to say the least. Along those same lines, Taiwan has some really interesting, greasy foods that sometimes don't agree with my stomach. Therefore, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that you also don't want to have to look at my very own oil-spill clean up efforts. It's just gross, and we'll leave it at that.

According to my ClustrMaps counter (which tracks where/when you people check my blog, so yes, I know there are more than 10), 79 viewers that are located in Taiwan have checked my blog in the past month and a half.

If you are one of those 50 people (because let's be honest, at least 30 of those views are from me), please continue reading:

When researching for this post, I stumbled across this Reuters article. If you aren't interested in clicking it, look here:

It's called "Flush so we don't blush, Taiwan city says," with {commentary from me!}

(Reuters) - A city in south Taiwan began training potty users this week to flush toilet paper instead of throwing it in the trash, to reduce 340 tonnes of stinky waste generated daily, local media and officials said on Tuesday. {Potty training?? Is the bowl so small that they need to practice their aim?}

"An old habit is to throw toilet paper in the trash can beside the toilet, which causes a major stink that's bad for public sanitation," city Environmental Protection Bureau Director Chang Hwang-jen told Reuters.

"Japanese and Western visitors {That's me!!} who come to Taiwan find this Taiwan toilet habit to be quite poor," she added.

Taiwan's plumbing can now handle toilet paper without clogging the pipes, a break from the past, the city of Tainan told its 764,000 citizens at a news conference {was the conference called for this reason only? because that's awesome} on Monday.

Leaders in other Taiwan cities haven't gotten off the pot on the issue, Chang said. {haha, I get it!}

Toilet sitters in Taiwan and China customarily target {implying they don't always hit it?} trash bins instead of the porcelain because of pipe backup worries. Clogged pipes in Tainan are caused by the flushing of other objects, such as toothbrushes, Chang said.

Sticking non-recyclable toilet paper in the trash also costs the city T$4,600 ($151) per tonne, or T$600 million per year, to treat, local media said. {that's basically like wiping your ass with dolla bills.}

This article is almost 2 years old, and I can assure you that not everyone has converted. This is my effort to spread the word.

Well, Taiwan. The ball is in your court, and the paper is in your hand. Where do you want to put it?

(and stop flushing toothbrushes down the toilet...)

Extended reading: http://www.poopreport.com/Techniques/good_ass_bad_ass.html

Taiwan's Hidden Gem

As I may have mentioned before, our school goes on a "monthly outing." It's a chance for the students (and teachers) to get out of school and see things around Taipei that they might not normally get a chance to do. For example, we've been to the Taipei Zoo, Guandu Nature Park, Songshan Airport, a glass museum, Taipei Botanical Garden, and many of the beautiful parks that Taipei has to offer.

Even though my class has been on all different outings over the past 2 and a half years they've been at the school, nothing could prepare them, or anybody for the outing of a lifetime:

The Postal Museum.

We rolled up to the Postal Museum that Tuesday and were very surprised to find that there was no line to get in. Each class got its own tour guide, and we split up throughout the multi-floor museum.

The first thing we saw was a giant portrait of H.E. Sheng Hsuan Huai, Minister of Yu-Ch'uan Pu (the Minister of Posts and Communications), who memorialized the throne recommending separation of Posts from Customs. It was a great opportunity to remind my students of his lasting legacy and the importance of the separation of Posts and Customs.

I spent the morning being dragged around by my 6-year-olds as they shouted things to me, like "Teacher John! Look at the "Scales used by the Postal Service" exhibit!" and "Check out all the stamp cancelling machines at the "Stamp cancelling machines" exhibit!"

The excitement they displayed brought to light the fact that not many kids get to see "Various hung-up boxes of different countries," or all of the "Historical Sites of the Universal Postal Congresses," and I had a moment of proud satisfaction that I could share the experience with my class.

If you can believe it, there was a real mailbox set up inside the museum. I had the pull out all of my discipline/class control tricks to keep order as we lined up to pose for individual pictures putting an envelope in the slot.

As always, I feed off the energy created by my students, and I quickly took them by hand to the "Equipment for Mail Sealing and Mailbags for Mail Distribution" exhibit. I told them, "Squirrels, this is the equipment they use for mail sealing! And these are the mailbags they use for mail distribution!" My enthusiasm was met with wide-eyes and a gentle applause.

Together, we marveled over the "Postal Museums in the world," and gawked at the "Postal Emblems of different countries" until it was time to leave.

The kindergarten manager came to round up all of the classes, and we reluctantly lined up and headed towards the exit. However, on our way out, out of the corner of my eye, I saw one exhibit we missed. I waited for the manager to turn her back, and quickly led my class to the one exhibit that I highlighted on my map of the museum:

"Equipment used by the Postal Savings Department."

By the time we actually got on the bus and started heading back towards school, the Squirrels and I knew that with this newfound appreciation and knowledge of the Postal Service, mailing a letter would never be the same.

Wednesday Shirts

That's right. T-shirts for $100 NT, or roughly $3.15 USD.

Every Wednesday at school is Casual Day, which obviously means we don't have to wear our uniforms. As a result, Wednesday has become an excellent way to show some originality in a school that prides itself in it's ability to produce cookie-cutter teachers.

One night, my Bri-ish buddy, Rory, and I found an awesome clothing store in a night market near our apartment. Spotting a rack of shirts that said "100元," we went to check it out.

See, the thing is, both Rory and I are tall and have fairly broad shoulders, which makes shopping in Taiwan nearly impossible, especially in the night market scene. Most of the clothes are designed to fit, well, Asians.

With low expectations, we started flipping through the rack and found some pretty hilarious shirts. The most amazing part is that the shirts looked like they could actually fit (which we later decided was the reason they were so cheap...too big for everybody)! Splurging the $100, I decided to buy some. To be honest, I still haven't decided whether I actually like these shirts, or if it's just funny.

What do you think?

Pretty normal, actually...

"Leave me alone. I am not a lonely guy."

Nothin' like a stick man singing a love song through a megaphone...

Last, but certainly not least, Spiderman!

(Did you also notice that I've developed a thing for hearts?)

How's the weather?

The weather? In a word: wet.

In the month of May, the average precipitation for Taipei is 8.4 inches. That's over double what Port Jefferson gets (3.97 inches). Even PJ's rainiest month of the year is only 4.22 inches. For added comparison, the average rainfall for May in London is 1.86 inches, and in Seattle is 2.03 inches.

To be fair, it's not always May. With that being said, in a year, Taipei averages about 80 inches of rain to New York's 40. We're practically drowning over here!*

I read a poem to my class the other day about the 5 senses, which opened with the following lines:

Hear the winds blow,

See the blue skies.

After reading it first, I explain each line, then we get interactive with it.

Hear the winds blow, (have all of the kids blow and make wind noises.)

See the blue skies. (have all of the kids look outside at the ... uh oh.)

"Teacher John, the sky is white."

"Well, in some countries, they have blue skies."

If it's not raining in Taipei, it's probably cloudy. I used a phrase awhile back, "perma-fog," to describe how there's always a blanket of clouds hovering over northern Taiwan. The rain coupled with the almost rain can really create a dreary atmosphere sometimes. That's why whenever I see a ray of sunshine, I try to get outside as soon as possible.

In just over a week, I'm taking my 3 week vacation. I still have tentative plans to thoroughly explore the entire island of Taiwan. As I travel around, I'm also looking for a place to relocate to. I've heard that as soon as you leave Taipei County, the weather gets better the further south you. (Better weather = less extreme temperatures in the summer and winter, and a LOT less rain!)

So, world, how's the weather?

*some of the numbers I used were approximations from http://www.worldclimate.com and www.weather.com.

Hating Life

Dogs in Taiwan hate life. Most of them aren't even real dogs. They go for walks in handbags instead of on leashes. A lot of them can't even wipe their own ass.

They really are more like accessories than pets. In fact, the word for "pet" in Chinese is 宠物, which literally means "pamper-object."

Here are some of the "objects" that get pampered:

"Please don't put this picture up on the internet..."

"I wonder what running through grass feels like..."

"I want to crawl in front of a bus."

"Yo quiero chicken feet, meng!"

Do you see this where you live?

Obstacle Course

I'm not saying that Taiwanese people are completely oblivious to personal space/their surroundings, but they're somewhere between that and hyper-aware.

If you'd like, you can attribute some of this ranting to the fact that most of the situations happen in the morning on the way to work, so I might be a little cranky. My only argument is that it's not the only time of day it happens.

There are quite a few people that start their daily commute at around 8:00 AM, including myself. Living on the 23rd floor (out of a possible 24), I'm usually the first one on the elevator. I also usually plan for the elevator taking an extra 3 or 4 minutes to get to the 1st floor, since we stop. at. every. floor. on. the. way. down. Being the first one aboard the elevator, I inevitably end up in the back. This morning, as 1 of 7 passengers, I was the only one getting off on the 1st floor. The rest were waiting for B1, B2, or B3 to get to their vehicles. However, when the elevator stopped at the 1st floor, not a single person thought anyone would want to get off. Even as I tried to politely say "excuse me" and squeeze my way to the doors, everybody in the mirror-walled elevator pretended not to see or hear me. They were content with not pushing the "<||>" button and letting me join them in the basement. With a fair amount of force, I finally broke free from my corner and made it to the door just as it closed on my shoulders, then spit me out, and I stumbled outside.

I shook my head in disbelief the whole way to work as I dodged fellow pedestrians on the sidewalk. And when I say "sidewalk," I really mean "scooter parking area." The space between a row of parked scooters and the wall of a building is just big enough for an average sized person to fit. In Taiwan, these areas are used as pit stops so you can adjust your shoe, put up/down your umbrella, decide to suddenly start walking like a snail, or, my favorite, wait with 4 other people for your breakfast. Amazing.

Rainy days are the most interesting days because every single person has an umbrella. Just another thing to not be aware of how big it is or how it's going to affect other people around you.

On the bright side, walking to work wakes me up because it forces me to be alert and think outside the box for solutions to what seem like easy problems. I'm just sayin'...

[by the way... thanks for all the comment love! I think the joke was lost in translation, but I wasn't just fishing for responses or for you to say you miss me. I know you do! All 10 of you!!!]

Wǒ kàn bù dǒng.

Directly translated that means "I read don't understand," or more accurately, "What the hell does this say?"

I frequently use this phrase at restaurants upon receiving a menu of Chinese characters, prompting the wait staff to bring me an English menu. It works like a charm.

Tonight, I went for a tasty bowl of beef noodle soup after a long day of work, and the same thing happened. Only this time, I decided to play a matching game, where I look at the Chinese characters on the English menu, then try my best to find the same ones on the Chinese menu, that looks a little bit like this:

...then I can mark the quantity desired.

It's a fun game.

Until you get two extra giant bowls of beef dumpling soup, that although you claim to not want, you've clearly indicated on the menu that you do. Cue the facepalm.

My conclusion: I still can't, and won't ever be able to, read Chinese. I can say most of the things I eat these days, so I should probably stick to that. (But hey! Now I'm a fan of beef dumpling soup!)