A Useless Lesson

Super Kids 6, Unit 2: Lost in Hawaii
Peter is at the airport and can't find his sister. A man helping asks, "What is she wearing?" and "What does she look like?"


The goal of this lesson is to get the students to be able to ask and answer both of those questions, while also using objective and subjective pronouns (He is taller than her. She is shorter than him.)

The vocabulary: long blond hair, short brown hair, straight black hair, curly red hair.
(She has long blond hair and blue eyes.)

Easy enough, right? I had some great ideas for activities, like bring in some magazines and let the students go through and describe the people in the ads.

See the problem yet?

I stood there in 7-Eleven staring at the magazine rack after flipping through about 8 magazines, picturing how my activity was going to pan out... He has straight black hair and black eyes. She has straight black hair and black eyes. She has straight black hair and black eyes...

I'm just sayin...

Almost Famous

...or "The Time I Almost Lost a Kidney"

Last weekend I went into Taipei City for the night. I started off at a New Zealand burger joint and ended up at a South African bar/meat pie store. Meeting up with Mike, my Canadian roommate, and B, my South African roommate, and Fred, my Taiwanese friend, we were a melting pot with no assimilation required. After a few TBs (Taiwan Beer) and a couple brandy and cokes, the four of us, plus a peculiar collection of South Africans, were talking like old friends about everything: the joys of teaching, how great Taiwan is, the dangers of smoking, and Chinese birth chart compatibility. However, it soon became time to go to Shilin night market.

It's really hard to do justice to the Shilin night market through description; it's more of an atmosphere you have to breathe and take in. In between two MRT stops, there are hundreds of food stalls, clothing shops on wheels, knick knackerys, carnival games, and so on, all crammed together. They've got belts, and sneakers, and trucker hats galore. Fried chicken, rice noodles, chicken feet and more! It is a culture explosion, contained in a relatively small portion of the city, with a nightly attendance of thousands. As the night progresses, it gets harder and harder to walk through the densely packed alleys. Even if only for a late night snack, the buzz at Shilin night market is worth the trip.

So here we are, Mike, B, a guy Shaun, and I, weaving our way through the crowd. All of a sudden a young man stopped us. "Hey have you guys ever done any commercial acting before?" With a party of four, we defeated the odds- none of us had. "Well I'm actually a casting agent and I'm looking for a white male, kind of sporty with blue eyes to do a bubble gum commercial." I looked around. I had the only blue eyes for miles.
"I'm white!" I exclaimed. "I like sports, too! And I have blue eyes!"
"Yeah, thats great. They are casting tomorrow near SYS Memorial MRT station between 2-5. Take my card, call my phone when you want to go so I can make sure I'm there."

One taxi ride, a few hours of sleep, a headache, and a shower later... Should I call this guy? Eh, why not? Inspired by Josambro, Dave and I have sort of a competition to see who can get famous in Taiwan first. To my understanding, this commercial was for television, so I would be everywhere. So I called. "They're going to do a quick photo shoot, and maybe have you say a few lines while pretending to ride a bike or surf or something."

I got off the MRT and was picked up by a scooter. Being the passenger on a scooter is a very intimate experience. We zipped around town, and when we pulled down a not-so-public street, I started to get worried. I value my kidneys. I entered a small office and was directed to a room with two giant lights pointed at a blank wall. I stood in the spotlights and posed, turned around slowly, and gave a brief introduction. The camera's shutter snapped furiously. I started observing weird things, like how many exits there were and what could potentially be used as a weapon. I couldn't remember if they offered me anything to drink...

The whole operation only lasted about 5 minutes and I was awake for the whole thing (the photo shoot). I was scootered back to the MRT and told that they'd get back to me by Wednesday. Turns out I didn't get the part, "the director changed the requirements for the character." I'd sure like to meet this whiter, sportier, more blue-eyed chump who happens to be in Taiwan.

Hao, hao

At my school, all of the teachers are referred to as Teacher [first name]. For the past two days, I have been sitting in on a few classes for observations as part of my training. Even though I only sit in the back corner of the classroom on a miniature chair with my knees at my chin, the kids seem to if not like me, at least be curious about me. They hug me, climb me, give me stickers and throw bouncy balls to me. They want to know my favorite color, how old I am, where I am from, what my favorite food is. Granted, a majority of these questions are spoon(chopstick?) fed by their everyday teachers, but you can't expect a five-year-old Taiwanese boy to be able to come up with interview questions. Reciting it, comprehending my answers, and formulating an appropriate response is more than enough to impress me.

"Teacher John, why are your eyes blue?"
This question came to me in between classes, as I was smelling kids' hands for soap to make sure they washed for twenty seconds after using the bathroom.

I need to come up with a good answer for that, seeing as how it's the second time a kid has asked about my eyes (the first one was asked to another teacher). Do I tell them I am sick? Do I have superpowers? Should I act like I didn't know, then when I look in the mirror should I scream and try to wash them out?

Food for thought: It's amazing how similar boredom and procrastination are. I do the same mindless activities whether I have nothing to do or everything to do.