I just recently went to the Museum of Contemporary Art (MOCA) in Taipei. While I, among thousands of others, have already witnessed a fair amount of animal cruelty in Taiwan, it appears that artist Chang Li-shang has decided to take an alternative form of action:
Showing posts with label animals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label animals. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
He said "gao wan!"
If you know for a fact that nobody around you can hear/understand what you're saying, that's basically a free pass to talk about whatever you want. This applies to people who go hiking by themselves, adults who talk about "grown up things" in front of the kids, friends who have code words for other people, and people in the U.S. who speak any language other then English. This also applies for Taiwanese students in the presence of their English teacher who doesn't know any Chinese. The difference is, recently I am able to understand a lot of what they are saying, and they don't know!!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Animals, mostly
Here are the answers! If you didn't get a chance to guess yet, click here first.
Direct Translation / English
"oak mouse" / squirrel
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Open Heart Nut
In the year and 8 months or so that I've been here, I've been through a lot of "phases." I go through 3- or 4-week spans where I start doing something productive with a head of steam, such as exercise, focus on learning Chinese, writing, reading, doing things on the weekend, etc. It has been inevitable, for the most part, that these runs of productivity come to a end, due to any variety of reasons.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Gutted
Apparently somebody already came up with the idea that tortured pets are suicidal...
Anyway, I found the poster-dog for suicidal Taiwanese dogs:
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Hating Life 2
I'm back from my scooter adventure! Both my scooter and I made it back in one piece (that's one piece each, although it feels as though we are conjoined). I did a lot of sightseeing and took about 1,000 pictures. I only got back a few hours ago, so you can't possibly expect this post to be about my trip. Instead I bring you...
More dogs in Taiwan that hate their lives...
No, this is not a stylish new t-shirt. To make matters worse, this guy (yes) was so proud to have me take the picture.
Found this little guy in Taroko Gorge being carted around in a little doggy cart. He may hate his life, but sled dogs are green with envy.
"How can this adorable thing hate his life??" you ask. Well, he doesn't exactly have a home. And he was swarming with flies. And I stopped to take a picture of him, not feed him, making him a certified Life-Hater.
I feel terrible putting this picture up, but this is not an uncommon sight. This dog is actually offended that I am posting pictures of dogs wearing clothes and claiming they hate their lives. This is the reason why I attended an event and contributed to helping the ever-growing Taiwan SPCA.
This dog... wait, is that a deer? Given their current relative situations, that dog in the background loves its life. The rope around that deer's neck is just long enough for it to stand up, making that deer a Life-Hater for sure.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Hating Life
Dogs in Taiwan hate life. Most of them aren't even real dogs. They go for walks in handbags instead of on leashes. A lot of them can't even wipe their own ass.
They really are more like accessories than pets. In fact, the word for "pet" in Chinese is 宠物, which literally means "pamper-object."
Here are some of the "objects" that get pampered:
"Please don't put this picture up on the internet..."
"I wonder what running through grass feels like..."
"I want to crawl in front of a bus."
Monday, October 26, 2009
I'm glad you asked
Happy birthday Mom!!
I think October can be chalked up under the tag "months that went missing." It's just another relatively long period of time that swiftly passed undetected, again striking up the realistic question of just exactly how much time can sneak by before I notice that I've been here for too long. Only time will tell.
My lack of blogging is exactly as it appears to be: I have nothing to say. Starter X has finally settled into a nice groove, where I can demand and expect control and productivity. The Squirrels are still angelic geniuses who literally have left me speechless with the things that come out of their mouth. For example, during a brainstorm activity related to a book we were reading, I decided to bring up evolution. When asked "Why do you think a cheetah has spots?", a question which I was only half prepared to answer, one girl raised her hand and answered quite matter-of-factly, "I think a cheetah has spots so we can use its skin to make a bag." I know what you're thinking, and you're right; In addition to hiding enormous brains behind adorable faces, they've got style. Next question: "Why do you think a rabbit has long ears?" Good question, Teacher John, why don't you at least try to challenge us. "A rabbit has to have long ears, otherwise it will not hear the other animals that want to eat it." I've spent the past week since this incident trying to figure out how, if I was required to, I would even explain the word "otherwise." I'm open to suggestions.
During nap time, it's a kindergarten joke that after all the other teachers are finished complaining about how idiotic their kids are, they turn to me and ask me what the Squirrels thought of War and Peace. (They hated it. I made sure they are Shakespeare scholars.)
If you haven't seen through it already, this blog is less of me trying to convince you how smart my kids are, and more of me trying to use them to show you how much fun I'm having.
I tell stupid stories for a living. I talk about animals all day, and as long as I explain the grammar I'm using, it's considered teaching. For International Day, I got to choose a country to have my class present (Spain) and I got to pick out what I thought were the coolest things to have my kids say. They listen when I talk, because as long as I'm acting as if it's the most awesome thing I've ever said, they believe me. And when I'm finished, they say "Cool! I want to learn more!" (true story).
It's a total cliche, but like Confucius said, "Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life." Or, as Kanye West said many years later, "Welcome to the good life..."
I think October can be chalked up under the tag "months that went missing." It's just another relatively long period of time that swiftly passed undetected, again striking up the realistic question of just exactly how much time can sneak by before I notice that I've been here for too long. Only time will tell.
My lack of blogging is exactly as it appears to be: I have nothing to say. Starter X has finally settled into a nice groove, where I can demand and expect control and productivity. The Squirrels are still angelic geniuses who literally have left me speechless with the things that come out of their mouth. For example, during a brainstorm activity related to a book we were reading, I decided to bring up evolution. When asked "Why do you think a cheetah has spots?", a question which I was only half prepared to answer, one girl raised her hand and answered quite matter-of-factly, "I think a cheetah has spots so we can use its skin to make a bag." I know what you're thinking, and you're right; In addition to hiding enormous brains behind adorable faces, they've got style. Next question: "Why do you think a rabbit has long ears?" Good question, Teacher John, why don't you at least try to challenge us. "A rabbit has to have long ears, otherwise it will not hear the other animals that want to eat it." I've spent the past week since this incident trying to figure out how, if I was required to, I would even explain the word "otherwise." I'm open to suggestions.
During nap time, it's a kindergarten joke that after all the other teachers are finished complaining about how idiotic their kids are, they turn to me and ask me what the Squirrels thought of War and Peace. (They hated it. I made sure they are Shakespeare scholars.)
If you haven't seen through it already, this blog is less of me trying to convince you how smart my kids are, and more of me trying to use them to show you how much fun I'm having.
I tell stupid stories for a living. I talk about animals all day, and as long as I explain the grammar I'm using, it's considered teaching. For International Day, I got to choose a country to have my class present (Spain) and I got to pick out what I thought were the coolest things to have my kids say. They listen when I talk, because as long as I'm acting as if it's the most awesome thing I've ever said, they believe me. And when I'm finished, they say "Cool! I want to learn more!" (true story).
It's a total cliche, but like Confucius said, "Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life." Or, as Kanye West said many years later, "Welcome to the good life..."
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Q and A: Part 4
Here is the latest installment of Q&A, keep the questions coming if you have any.
Q: Are there squirrels? If not, what animals do people typically swerve their car for while driving? Are there scary spiders?
A: For starters, yes, there are scary spiders. Last weekend I adventured up the mountain in Shijr and saw some spiders bigger than my open hand (and cried). And yes, there are indeed squirrels. Each class at my school has an animal name (Hamsters, Koalas, Rabbits, and of course Mike's class: the Unicorns), and my class, the Squirrels. So yeah, there are 21 of them. Besides that, I've seen some real squirrels. However, beyond stupid tiny white dogs with pink ears, stray dogs, stray cats, and cockroaches, animals are hard to come by in a city. Especially on a road, but don't let that fact fool you into thinking people don't swerve while driving.
Traffic laws here are less like laws, and more like guidelines. The lines on the roads are merely indications that at one point they had planned to have some type of organization. Enter: the scooter. A vehicle, that if it follows any laws at all, they are a hybrid of pedestrian, bicycle, and motor vehicle laws, while still taking many of the same liberties granted to an emergency vehicle. The scooter has access to roads, crosswalks, and sidewalks alike, and the scooter operator will not be tied down by a few painted lines on the road. Scooters in traffic are like water, always finding an opening to get through.
Having driven a scooter for a somewhat lengthy distance (more on that later, maybe), I have experienced the mayhem of Taiwan traffic first-hand, and it was has been by far the most terrifying adventure since I've been here.
Q: Are there squirrels? If not, what animals do people typically swerve their car for while driving? Are there scary spiders?
A: For starters, yes, there are scary spiders. Last weekend I adventured up the mountain in Shijr and saw some spiders bigger than my open hand (and cried). And yes, there are indeed squirrels. Each class at my school has an animal name (Hamsters, Koalas, Rabbits, and of course Mike's class: the Unicorns), and my class, the Squirrels. So yeah, there are 21 of them. Besides that, I've seen some real squirrels. However, beyond stupid tiny white dogs with pink ears, stray dogs, stray cats, and cockroaches, animals are hard to come by in a city. Especially on a road, but don't let that fact fool you into thinking people don't swerve while driving.
Traffic laws here are less like laws, and more like guidelines. The lines on the roads are merely indications that at one point they had planned to have some type of organization. Enter: the scooter. A vehicle, that if it follows any laws at all, they are a hybrid of pedestrian, bicycle, and motor vehicle laws, while still taking many of the same liberties granted to an emergency vehicle. The scooter has access to roads, crosswalks, and sidewalks alike, and the scooter operator will not be tied down by a few painted lines on the road. Scooters in traffic are like water, always finding an opening to get through.
Having driven a scooter for a somewhat lengthy distance (more on that later, maybe), I have experienced the mayhem of Taiwan traffic first-hand, and it was has been by far the most terrifying adventure since I've been here.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Taipei Zoo Report Card (Part 2)
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We meet again, Taipei Zoo. It seems like only yesterday that I was speed-walking through your African Animal Area as you tried endlessly to awe me with your exotic wildlife, subjecting yourself to my harsh grading system. A fine establishment indeed, although I only was able to see about 20% of what you have to offer.
This week, along with my kindergarten class, I was on the prowl again at the zoo. As judgmental as ever, I tried as best I could to inspect each animal exhibit while also juggling 18 five-year-olds in 90 degree heat and 113% humidity.
Formosan Animal Area: B-
For such a small island, Taiwan has some pretty impressive wildlife. The animals themselves were readily available for viewing and were nothing short of entertaining. My question though: how hard is it to get a deer, flying squirrel, otter, or black bear from any country and slap the word "Formosan" on the name tag to give yourself more diverse fauna? Anyone with me on this conspiracy theory?
Spider Monkeys: A+
These guys were born to be zoo animals. Swinging, climbing, jumping, and howling non-stop was enough to draw a standing ovation from a group of Taiwanese youngsters (and their American teacher). Sure beats whatever they were doing wherever they came from. Keep up the great work, guys!
Giant Panda: B+
The panda's grade went up slightly. The line was longer and the actual viewing time was about the same. One panda was passed out in the back corner of the cage, and the other one was pacing around. Continue air-conditioning the Panda House and I see great improvement in the coming months.
Needle-nose Pliers Crocodile: F
I made up the name, but I'm sure you can imagine this fabulous animal. "Teacher, is it dead already?" inquired one of my English-learning youngsters. How do you explain to a child about animals that refuse to flash their sharp teeth despite being fed and sheltered? Here's a tip: if you ever plan to get a passing grade, start by not blending in with your habitat.
Other kinds of Monkeys: A+
This includes all the Tropical Rain forest monkeys. Again with the climbing, swinging, picking, and just being generally disgusting(something that was happening on both sides of the barrier). All these guys have to do is show up to work and the crowd goes wild. I even took notes to improve my own teaching.
Leopard: D
This giant, dry-heaving, spotted feline was doomed from the start. None of my kids could wrap their minds around the fact that it wasn't a cheetah. Maybe next time, leopard. Good luck with that hair ball.
Asian Elephants: B
Sorry, boys, those tiny little ears don't hold a candle to the mainsails on the African Elephants. Major points earned for being an elephant. Always a crowd-pleaser, so good job being elephants. Sorry you didn't make it in the big tent. (Don't forget to giggle after reading the first sentence.)
Tigers: F
Wake up, you bums.
Nocturnal House: F-
I hope you understand that this wasn't my idea. This is my idea: a company called "Johnny's Pest Control/Nocturnal House Supplier." This place epitomizes that whole trash vs. treasure bit. I didn't know how to explain to my kids why I kept yelling "Scram!" at all the animals. "Teacher John, I can't see!" they whined. "That's okay," I said. "They're rats. Don't you remember anything I told you about New York?" The worst part about this dimly lit maze was that the only thing at the end was a great example of pathetic fallacy: a rainstorm.
Taipei Zoo: A-
The more I see, the more I like. Anything that keeps my class entertained for a day when I don't have to is A-OK in my book. Still to come in the Taipei Zoo Report Card series: The Penguin House, Amphibian and Reptile House, and the Bird House.
pictures of animals and my little kiddies from Zoo Round Two (just found out- the zoom function on my pic page is pretty cool.)
.
We meet again, Taipei Zoo. It seems like only yesterday that I was speed-walking through your African Animal Area as you tried endlessly to awe me with your exotic wildlife, subjecting yourself to my harsh grading system. A fine establishment indeed, although I only was able to see about 20% of what you have to offer.
This week, along with my kindergarten class, I was on the prowl again at the zoo. As judgmental as ever, I tried as best I could to inspect each animal exhibit while also juggling 18 five-year-olds in 90 degree heat and 113% humidity.
Formosan Animal Area: B-
For such a small island, Taiwan has some pretty impressive wildlife. The animals themselves were readily available for viewing and were nothing short of entertaining. My question though: how hard is it to get a deer, flying squirrel, otter, or black bear from any country and slap the word "Formosan" on the name tag to give yourself more diverse fauna? Anyone with me on this conspiracy theory?
Spider Monkeys: A+
These guys were born to be zoo animals. Swinging, climbing, jumping, and howling non-stop was enough to draw a standing ovation from a group of Taiwanese youngsters (and their American teacher). Sure beats whatever they were doing wherever they came from. Keep up the great work, guys!
Giant Panda: B+
The panda's grade went up slightly. The line was longer and the actual viewing time was about the same. One panda was passed out in the back corner of the cage, and the other one was pacing around. Continue air-conditioning the Panda House and I see great improvement in the coming months.
Needle-nose Pliers Crocodile: F
I made up the name, but I'm sure you can imagine this fabulous animal. "Teacher, is it dead already?" inquired one of my English-learning youngsters. How do you explain to a child about animals that refuse to flash their sharp teeth despite being fed and sheltered? Here's a tip: if you ever plan to get a passing grade, start by not blending in with your habitat.
Other kinds of Monkeys: A+
This includes all the Tropical Rain forest monkeys. Again with the climbing, swinging, picking, and just being generally disgusting(something that was happening on both sides of the barrier). All these guys have to do is show up to work and the crowd goes wild. I even took notes to improve my own teaching.
Leopard: D
This giant, dry-heaving, spotted feline was doomed from the start. None of my kids could wrap their minds around the fact that it wasn't a cheetah. Maybe next time, leopard. Good luck with that hair ball.
Asian Elephants: B
Sorry, boys, those tiny little ears don't hold a candle to the mainsails on the African Elephants. Major points earned for being an elephant. Always a crowd-pleaser, so good job being elephants. Sorry you didn't make it in the big tent. (Don't forget to giggle after reading the first sentence.)
Tigers: F
Wake up, you bums.
Nocturnal House: F-
I hope you understand that this wasn't my idea. This is my idea: a company called "Johnny's Pest Control/Nocturnal House Supplier." This place epitomizes that whole trash vs. treasure bit. I didn't know how to explain to my kids why I kept yelling "Scram!" at all the animals. "Teacher John, I can't see!" they whined. "That's okay," I said. "They're rats. Don't you remember anything I told you about New York?" The worst part about this dimly lit maze was that the only thing at the end was a great example of pathetic fallacy: a rainstorm.
Taipei Zoo: A-
The more I see, the more I like. Anything that keeps my class entertained for a day when I don't have to is A-OK in my book. Still to come in the Taipei Zoo Report Card series: The Penguin House, Amphibian and Reptile House, and the Bird House.
pictures of animals and my little kiddies from Zoo Round Two (just found out- the zoom function on my pic page is pretty cool.)
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Monday, May 11, 2009
Taipei Zoo Report Card (Part 1)
(photo update)
Here's a challenge: go to a zoo for 1 hour and try to find animals that don't suck.
Over the weekend, I went to Taipei Zoo with Mike and B. A late start got us there just before 4:00 pm, which is when they stop letting people in. The Zoo closes at 5:00, so we had about 1 hour to see as many animals as we could.
After we coughed up $60 NT, roughly 1.84 USD or 24.16 Mexican Pesos, we tried to map out the best route for seeing the "cool" animals, what we later decided were the ones from Africa. To sum up our trip I've decided to grade each exhibit.
Giant Panda: B
This is generous grade. I only managed 3 pictures because I was being herded quickly through the exhibit. They get points for just being cool animals. (Q: What did the Panda say to the Polar Bear? A: You shoulda seen the other guy!)
Everything in the Nocturnal House: F
Advice for zoo-goers: if you only have 1 hour to look at animals, skip the Nocturnal House. It's lame. Nocturnal animals are proof of evolution, because they're the animals nobody wants to see in the light. Nobody wants to see raccoons and field mice. Ever. Especially not at a zoo. We wasted 5 minutes trying to grope our way to the exits.
Camels: B+
Camels, you're alright. Nothing beats a field full of camel-toes. Especially when they've got the zookeepers spendin' all their money on 'em.
Hippos: A
For being fat with stumpy legs, you sure do kill a lot of people per year. And that thing where only your nostrils and eyes come out of the water is pretty cool, too. One of the few animals at the zoo that actually move.
Zebras: B
Like a horse, but not boring. This is one animal that makes you wonder "How did that happen?" Fortunately we got there right at half-time so we were able to get a few photos.
Rhinos: B-
Extra points for the built in weapon. Minus points for using your face as a kickstand to help you sleep while standing up while I'm trying to extract optimal cool-ness from the zoo. One of their faces was right in a pile of droppings. He'll probably wake up hungry.
Lions: A
I have a soft spot for lions, mostly because of The Lion King. No males on display, but at least Nala and Sarabi weren't inside the den nagging.
Giraffes: B
They were lying in the grass and not eating the highest leaves off the trees, which would be the ideal image to go along with my expectations. But long necks are cool, especially for animals with malodorous hooves.
Animals that resemble deer: D
There are a bunch of animals lumped into this category. Which is why they only get a D, because they aren't very unique. Curly horns, pointy horns, stubby horns, whatever. Do something productive with your life, like invest in a glowing nose.
Ostrich: A-
The ostrich found a hole in the pen and stared at us for quite awhile. It was a special moment. Come back when you can fly and you'll see that A- turn into an A+.
Gorilla: F
MIA
Assorted monkeys: C-
Chimps were MIA and the other monkeys flung too much poo at their Plexiglas windows so we could barely see anything.
Taipei Zoo: B+
Lots of (surprisingly correct) informative English. It's not the biggest zoo in the world, but for the price of 4000 ml of green tea, or two pieces of delicious fried chicken from the street vendor, or a piece of cake and a chocolate milk, how can you be disappointed? This review is 75% incomplete, as we pretty much only saw African animals. Perhaps one day I will pick up where I left off and finish the Taipei Zoo report card.
Here's a challenge: go to a zoo for 1 hour and try to find animals that don't suck.
Over the weekend, I went to Taipei Zoo with Mike and B. A late start got us there just before 4:00 pm, which is when they stop letting people in. The Zoo closes at 5:00, so we had about 1 hour to see as many animals as we could.
After we coughed up $60 NT, roughly 1.84 USD or 24.16 Mexican Pesos, we tried to map out the best route for seeing the "cool" animals, what we later decided were the ones from Africa. To sum up our trip I've decided to grade each exhibit.
Giant Panda: B
This is generous grade. I only managed 3 pictures because I was being herded quickly through the exhibit. They get points for just being cool animals. (Q: What did the Panda say to the Polar Bear? A: You shoulda seen the other guy!)
Everything in the Nocturnal House: F
Advice for zoo-goers: if you only have 1 hour to look at animals, skip the Nocturnal House. It's lame. Nocturnal animals are proof of evolution, because they're the animals nobody wants to see in the light. Nobody wants to see raccoons and field mice. Ever. Especially not at a zoo. We wasted 5 minutes trying to grope our way to the exits.
Camels: B+
Camels, you're alright. Nothing beats a field full of camel-toes. Especially when they've got the zookeepers spendin' all their money on 'em.
Hippos: A
For being fat with stumpy legs, you sure do kill a lot of people per year. And that thing where only your nostrils and eyes come out of the water is pretty cool, too. One of the few animals at the zoo that actually move.
Zebras: B
Like a horse, but not boring. This is one animal that makes you wonder "How did that happen?" Fortunately we got there right at half-time so we were able to get a few photos.
Rhinos: B-
Extra points for the built in weapon. Minus points for using your face as a kickstand to help you sleep while standing up while I'm trying to extract optimal cool-ness from the zoo. One of their faces was right in a pile of droppings. He'll probably wake up hungry.
Lions: A
I have a soft spot for lions, mostly because of The Lion King. No males on display, but at least Nala and Sarabi weren't inside the den nagging.
Giraffes: B
They were lying in the grass and not eating the highest leaves off the trees, which would be the ideal image to go along with my expectations. But long necks are cool, especially for animals with malodorous hooves.
Animals that resemble deer: D
There are a bunch of animals lumped into this category. Which is why they only get a D, because they aren't very unique. Curly horns, pointy horns, stubby horns, whatever. Do something productive with your life, like invest in a glowing nose.
Ostrich: A-
The ostrich found a hole in the pen and stared at us for quite awhile. It was a special moment. Come back when you can fly and you'll see that A- turn into an A+.
Gorilla: F
MIA
Assorted monkeys: C-
Chimps were MIA and the other monkeys flung too much poo at their Plexiglas windows so we could barely see anything.
Taipei Zoo: B+
Lots of (surprisingly correct) informative English. It's not the biggest zoo in the world, but for the price of 4000 ml of green tea, or two pieces of delicious fried chicken from the street vendor, or a piece of cake and a chocolate milk, how can you be disappointed? This review is 75% incomplete, as we pretty much only saw African animals. Perhaps one day I will pick up where I left off and finish the Taipei Zoo report card.
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