Leave your guns at home, kids.

This past holiday season, my Christmas Wish was for every gun to turn into a Kiss Gun.

Last week was a perfect example of people who would have benefited from my wish:

In Texas, a 15 year old kid brought a pellet gun to school and assaulted another student. According to this New York Times brief, he not only didn't tell anyone it wasn't a "real" gun, but he also pointed it at police officers on the scene. After not complying with the police officers' multiple demands to drop the gun, he was shot twice and killed.

My Christmas Wish: A Kiss-Gun

Myth 6. There are no studies linking violent video game play to serious aggression. 

Facts: High levels of violent video game exposure have been linked to delinquency, fighting at school and during free play periods, and violent criminal behavior (e.g., self-reported assault, robbery). (found here)

Spot the difference

One thing I'll always remember from sixth grade was my social studies teacher, Mrs. Diamond. She looked old enough to have witnessed the crossing of the Delaware river and she ran a tight ship. Especially when compared to the cool, new, young math teacher who was closer to my age than to most of her colleagues, Mrs. Diamond scared kids.

I don't teach. I liberate.

"Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it."

  - Michelangelo 

The Finger Prince

Teacher John: A "clue" is something that helps the police or a detective solve a case. That's why Sherlock Holmes is always holding a magnifying glass, so he can look for clues. For example, a piece of hair can be a clue. What else might be a clue?

ESL Student: The finger's here (motioning towards the tip of the finger).

Teacher John: That's right! Those are called "fingerprints." Fingerprints can definitely be a clue.

ESL Student: Teacher John, is there a "finger princess?"

He said "gao wan!"

If you know for a fact that nobody around you can hear/understand what you're saying, that's basically a free pass to talk about whatever you want. This applies to people who go hiking by themselves, adults who talk about "grown up things" in front of the kids, friends who have code words for other people, and people in the U.S. who speak any language other then English. This also applies for Taiwanese students in the presence of their English teacher who doesn't know any Chinese. The difference is, recently I am able to understand a lot of what they are saying, and they don't know!!

Forgive me...

for I have sinned. This post is to confess my disrespect towards Taiwanese culture and the Chinese-English language. It's shameful to say that there are too many instances to list, but nothing is more shameful than the reason for this is because I disrespect the Taiwanese for a living.

One of my 3 year old students: "Teacher John, my home has blue cock."

My response: "You can say: I have a blue clock at home."

In retrospect, I wish I had asked my student whether or not he believes his house can have possessions, asked him what he believed a "cock"is, and then respected his choice to call a mechanism used for keeping time a "cock."

Directly Translated

I am a teacher of the English language. My job description is pretty clear: teach English. The way this differs from a translation website or a dictionary is that, although some things CAN be directly translated, it doesn't always sound right.

So my job is not only to teach English, but to make sure it's being used properly. Here's how things can get interesting:

Morning Glory

"A case of the Mondays" can be defined as this: You wake up on a Monday feeling tired and cranky, and have to drag yourself to work or school, bitterly staring down another five days before the weekend, treating each task and each person as if they personally came and handed you another set of weekdays.

Unfortunately in my line of work, coming down with a case of the Mondays will not guarantee you very much job security. I wake up extra early so that by the time I get to school, I'm not resenting every moment that my eyes are not closed. Once I've arrived at school, I can get ready for this...

Each week we follow a (somewhat) structured rotation of the foreign teachers for who will lead the entire kindergarten in Morning Warm-Ups for the week. A sell-out crowd can be around 100 students, ranging from age 3 to age 7.


Assignment #1: Exercise (led by foreign teacher)
Duration: 5 minutes
Foreign teacher leads the kindergarten in a series of stretching, short cardio activites, and general mind and body stimulation to get blood flowing through the small bodies of the kids (and teachers). Can include Star Jumps (aka jumping jacks), running in place, touching of the toes, Iroquois Twists.

Assignment #2: Dance (led by Chinese teacher)
Duration: 5-10 minutes
Each week a Chinese teacher teaches a new song, complete with dance moves and phrases to act as cues to remember each dance move, i.e. "give me money," "so happy," "show me cute." Following the new song, we also dance one song from a previous week. Classes with the most power* are invited to the stage to dance with the Chinese teacher. Can include Barbie Girl, Sorry Sorry, and the Ninja Song.

Assignment #3(Mondays only): Life Lesson (led by Foreign teacher)
Duration: 5-10 minutes
The foreign teacher needs to organize a short role-play with a clear moral/rule the students can remember, relate to, and follow. To help with the role-play, the other foreign teachers can and will be asked to do improv acting. The moral should come in the form of a short, easy sentence that can be repeated over and over again. Can include "Be patient, please," "Happy Thanksgiving," "Throw the trash into the trash can," "Don't be lazy."

Assignment #4(Tues., Wed., Thurs.): Performance (foreign teacher's class)
Duration: 5-10 minutes
The foreign teacher who is leading exercise and Life Lesson also needs to show everyone what their class has been working on. In each class' syllabus, we have 5 role-plays which need to be taught and acted out. These are typically shown during morning warm-up weeks.



[If you haven't already clicked on all of the links I've included, they will take you to my school's YouTube account. Here you can find just about every significant thing that happens at my school, from Halloween, to Christmas, the Life Lesson from EVERY week, or even the Squirrels' International Day presentation and dance!]

*power: a combination of attentiveness, volume, and enthusiasm.

Bittersweet

Lulu: Teacher John, my brother doesn't even know past tense yet.
Teacher John: Really??
Lulu: He asked me to help him with his homework.

Lulu is a 6-year-old Squirrel. Sweet.

Her brother, Yo-yo, is 10, and he's in the Friday evening class I recently took over. Bitter.

So this is Christmas...

Post-Christmas thought: What just happened?

In surreal, dream-sequence fashion, Christmas came and left, just as all of the other days here. All around Taipei, there were Christmas decorations, but everything felt so disconnected. 7-Eleven was playing Christmas music, but the atmosphere was still lacking in the Christmas "spirit." It felt, and was, just a commercial holiday implanted somewhere it doesn't belong.

For starters, Christmas fell on Marathon Friday this year. Which means I worked from 8:30-3:30, 4:00-5:00, and then a quick 5:00-7:00 to finish off the day.

When I woke up Christmas morning, everything just felt wrong. There was no tree, no family, no excitement. As I walked to school, I noticed that nothing was different outside. It was as if everybody else forgot it was Christmas. The confusion and resentment was starting to build up as I walked into school humming "Blue Christmas."

The confusion didn't subside when I saw all of the students. They were dressed up in costume. Thinking I somehow entered a terrible nightmare, I said "good morning" to students that looked like bees, dinosaurs, princesses, and cowboys. My body went through the routine motions, just like everyday, but my head was spinning. Was it Halloween or Christmas?

Although it was pretty much an assassination of the holiday, it had its cute moments. Each class screamed a Christmas song, everybody got to sit on Santa's lap, and we just colored and played the whole day. Amidst the carnage, there was a five minute period where I felt Christmasy: when the kids opened their presents they screamed and jumped up and down like... well, like a kid on Christmas.

Unfortunately that wasn't enough Christmas cheer to keep my spirits up for the next 7 hours of work. I'm glad I don't have to do that everyday.

Wayne's World

To get ready to sing our Christmas song on Friday, I had some kids compete to see who could sing the last bit of "The 12 Days of Christmas" the fastest.

The winner: Wayne! (any challengers?)



-*PICTURE UPDATES*-

Kids say the darndest things

Ariel(yes, just like the Little Mermaid): Teacher John, yesterday my mother talked to Santa Clause on the telephone.
Teacher John: Oh yeah? What did she say?
Ariel: I don't know! My mother's English is very bad!

Spain for a Day

The Squirrels are over English... we've moved on to Spanish.

On Friday evening, we finally had our International Day show. For the occasion, each teacher had to choose a country to have their class learn about and then present to the parents. In general, our school has a major emphasis on drama and role-plays, but International Day is one of the only occasions where the parents get to see their kids in action speaking English. Between that and the parent/teacher meeting immediately after, the day is kind of a big deal. Since my class has been in the kindergarten the longest (almost 3 years), I was given only two words of instruction: "Impress us."

I decided to teach my class about Spain. With a country like Spain, there is plenty of material to work with and lots of fun and interesting facts to include in a presentation. About six weeks ago we began preparation. This included writing a script, assigning parts, making/getting props, working out stage directions and transitions, and of course, making sure the students memorized their lines with acceptable pronunciation.

After a handful of rehearsals for the front office, we were ready to go! In front of a large crowd of parents, the show was executed with perfection. Between the large tomato fight, the choreographed bullfighting scene, and the elaborate and synchronized Spanish dance (all the credit for the dance goes to my co-teacher), the Squirrels blew everyone away with a great performance, making one very proud Teacher John.

Due to the unlikelihood that I will be able to obtain video footage of the show that will most likely be nominated for Best Performance, Best Director, and Best Choreography, I will supply you with the original script. Should you choose to actually read it (you should, you might learn something), bear in mind that my class could sight-read most of this.

Spain: An Introduction

Bienvenidos a Espana! That means “Welcome to Spain!” Spain is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. In fact, more people visit Spain every year than any other country except for France. Spain has beautiful beaches, majestic landscapes and is also full of culture and history. What else does Spain have? Let’s find out.

Spain is located in Southwestern Europe. The capital of Spain is Madrid. Spain is on the Iberian Peninsula. A peninsula is a piece of land that has water on 3 sides. Spain shares a border with France on the north side and Portugal on the West.

The official language of Spain is Spanish. There are around 400 million Spanish speakers worldwide, making it the fourth most spoken language in the world. Spanish is also the official language in 20 other countries, including Mexico, Chile, and Peru.

The Spanish flag has three horizontal stripes: two are red and one is yellow. In the yellow stripe is the Spanish Coat of Arms, which represents Spain’s constitutional monarchy. That means that Spain has a democracy, but also has a king.

The population of Spain is about 46 million people. That’s twice as many people that live in Taiwan! Spain is also about fifteen times bigger than Taiwan, with an area of about 504,000 km. Almost ¼ of Spain’s residents live in its two biggest cities: Madrid and Barcelona.

Spain has a very diverse geography. It has areas with mountains, plains, and it also has some islands. This makes the weather in Spain very different all over the place. Spain has five different climates within the country. Climate is another word for the weather in a country.

Culture

The most popular religion in Spain is Catholicism. Almost 90% of Spanish people are Catholics. A long time ago, Spain had kings that made everybody in the country believe in the same thing. Now, people can do whatever they want.

One of the best features about Spain is its cathedrals. A cathedral is a giant church where people can go to pray. There are almost 100 cathedrals in Spain, and all of them are very beautiful. The most famous cathedral in Spain is “La Sagrada Familia,” which is in Barcelona.

Once very fun festival in Spain is “La Tomatina.” Every year in a town called Bunol, there is a large food fight. First, someone tries to get a ham from the top of a greased pole. Then many trucks that are filled with tomatoes come to Bunol and dump all the tomatoes in the street. Then, people throw them at each other for one hour.

Spain has many different kinds of foods. A lot of Spanish dishes are made with beans and rice. One very popular food is gazpacho, which is a cold tomato soup. Spain also has many very delicious desserts, such as arroz con leche, which is a kind of rice pudding mixed with milk. Flan is a kind of custard cake with caramel on top. Spain is also known for its seafood dishes, such as Paella.

A very popular and traditional kind of dancing in Spain is Flamenco. This is a very unique style of dancing that is usually with somebody playing the guitar and someone singing. Flamenco dancing is very difficult and very graceful.

The most popular sport in Spain is football. Spain is home to some of the most competitive football teams in the entire world. Real Madrid is one of the best teams in all of Europe. They’ve won the UEFA Champions League nine times. Many Spanish children play football and hope to be on a real team some day.

Famous Spaniards

My name is Rafael Nadal and I am a famous Spanish tennis player. Although I am currently ranked number 2 in the world, I was number 1 from August 2008 to July 2009. I got the nickname “The King of Clay” for winning 81 straight clay-court matches. I am only 23 years old and already have six Grand Slam titles.

My name is Pablo Picasso, but most people just call me “Picasso.” I am one of many famous artists to come from Spain. Many people don’t think I am a good artist because a lot of my paintings are abstract, which means they don’t always look like real things. However, my art is very recognizable, such as my painting called “Guernica.”

I am Salvador Dali, and I am also a famous Spanish artist. Just like Picasso, I am most famous for my abstract paintings. I lived from 1904 to 1989 and was an important part of the surrealist movement. You have probably seen my most famous painting: The Persistence of Memory.

I am Miguel de Cervantes, a Spanish writer from the 1500’s. I was so good at writing that some people call Spanish “The Language of Cervantes.” My most famous book is Don Quixote, which many consider to be the first modern novel, and one of the best ever written. Here is Done Quixote now…

Hello, I am Don Quixote of la Mancha. I traveled around Spain searching for a princess and doing many nice things for people. Most people thought I was so nice that I was a little bit crazy. I had a friend named Sancho that came with me to be my friend.

Bullfighting

Spain is also famous for bullfighting, also called “The running of the bulls.” In Pamplona, the bulls are released and chase people down the street. Even though it is very dangerous and scary, people like to run away from the bulls. At the end of the street, the bulls go into the bullfighting ring.

Bullfighting is a very traditional ritual. In the Running of the Bulls, a man called a “matador,” has a fight with a bull. First, the matador enters the ring with a red cape and a sword, and he salutes the audience. Then the bull is released.

Most of the bulls are very angry and run at the matador and try to stab him with its very sharp horns. Bullfighting is very dangerous. The matador has to be very careful as he dodges the bull. He uses the cape to distract it as he moves out of the way. Then, the bull gets too tired to run at the matador.

Once the bull is too tired to run around, the matador can move in for the kill. The matador gets the bull to charge him one more time, then quickly stabs him in the back of the neck, killing him instantly. Although many people think this is very mean, there are also many people who enjoy watching this and think it is very beautiful.

Ni Hao-lloween

Trick or treat!


Halloween is a very cute time of year to be working at a kindergarten.

In the morning, each class takes turns going through a decently elaborate haunted house set up in one of the classrooms. There were a few scare-stations built into it where Mike and I hid out and waited for the kids to come through. Escorted by the Chinese teachers, the kids came through in groups of about 4 or 5. Upon entry, the Chinese teachers would say the names of the kids loud enough for me and Mike to hear so we could adjust our scare level (ranging from doing nothing, to a spooky laugh, to reaching out from the dark to grab arms and legs). Given that the maximum age was probably 6 years old, and the average age was about 4, tears were inevitably shed.

Next stop: trick or treating! On a regular basis, my class, as mentioned before, is full of angels and princesses. To nobody's surprise, that's what they all were for Halloween. Just about every girl was wearing a long sparkling dress along with some girly accessory, along the likes of a tiara, wings, a wand, etc. The boys showed up as Batman, Superman, a knight, a pirate, and a pumpkin. And off we go...

Sticking close to school, we stopped at 5 pre-determined and pre-supplied shops around Shijr to sing the two Halloween songs we had been practicing for what seemed like the better part of my tenure here. Leaving my pride and shame at home that morning, I led my class around wearing a big diaper, a bib, and a pacifier dangling from my mouth. At around 11:00 on the morning of Friday, October 30, life went on as usual in Shijr, except for the costume parade making its way around town.



To cap off a great day, I "volunteered" to host the Halloween parade back at school. This involved me addressing the 100+ students in the kindergarten, and introducing each class and each student so they could show off their costumes.



Cute by day, but when the sun goes down, Halloween is just as it is back home: An excuse for girls to dress as slutty as possible because (they think) nobody will judge them.

Dave, Natalie, and me disguised as Bruce Lee, the Queen of Hearts, and a swimmer.



[special thanks to T-Chellie for the pics. My camera is, as one might say, "over the wall."]

Eureka!

I've discovered a way to learn Chinese while teaching! A simple, yet coy, operation where both parties can share a language exchange. My students and I have formed a successful symbiotic relationship. Here's the catch: My Chinese lessons are all in English. Sometimes terrible, broken English.

But that's just it. My students are at a level which they are both able and competent enough to use their English abilities and run with it beyond their comfort zone. They don't need to stick to the grammar patterns we've been learning, but they rather say whatever is on their mind using what they already know.

This is an idea that I've taken into consideration in the past few weeks:

I've stopped trying to teach, as one might conventionally think of teaching; filling someone's head with facts. Instead, I've started teaching by asking "how," and "why," and "what if" questions.

Try to remember what you learned when you were in kindergarten. Really. Try. Or don't, because it doesn't matter. The purpose of kindergarten is to build a foundation for education. I would put a large sum of NTD(New Taiwan Dollars) on the claim that my students won't remember what a stethoscope is or that a giraffe's tongue is 50 cm long(almost 2 feet...gross). However, assuming they continue their English studies, I hope that it will benefit them knowing that if someone asks them to describe a trip to the doctor, they have the confidence and ability to take a situation that happens in Chinese and recap it in English.

It's during these moments, which Oxford seminars has appropriately labeled "magic moments," when you, as a teacher, realize that the kid has just uttered a series of English words by utilizing every tool and every resource they've ever learned from you. It's pretty incredible listening to a kid try to tell you something, then stop mid-sentence because he realizes he doesn't know the English for the word he wants to use, start from the beginning and take a completely different approach on the same thought, using what he does know, and ultimately achieve his goal, which is usually teacher comprehension and satisfaction.

However precious these moments are, perfection is hardly the aim and almost never the result. And this is where my Chinese lessons come in(you either forgot or thought I forgot what I was talking about).

For months I've been teaching English without understanding exactly who I'm teaching it to. I've been trying my best to abolish what my class now refers to as "Baby Sentences," which I've come to realize are only literal translations from Chinese to English. Cue the lighting of the epiphanic light bulb because my job just got easier. After a few conversations with some of my Chinese speaking friends, they've translated the Baby Sentences back into Chinese, and I can understand what the students are trying to say, therefore making it easier for me to correct them.

"There have cockroach." This sentence pattern drove me nuts! That is, until I realized what it means. There (that place, i.e. the wall) have (in this case we'd say 'has,' as in 'in its possession') cockroach (species of indestructible insects that are ever-present in my classroom). "That wall has a cockroach," or how we'd probably say it in English, "There's a cockroach."

And what I extract from the situation is the Chinese grammar. In Chinese, it seems like everything "has" something; here, there, he, I. With the same approach, I've learned grammar patterns that make sense out of "I give you see," "So big check," "He used me," so on and so forth.

At the end of this long-winded post, I can only compare myself to the very kids that I teach. I, too, but at a much lower level, am taking words that I already know and using them in sentences that I've picked up on. While this may come across as logical, because yeah, it is, but like so many other things in life, without that "eureka" moment, logic just doesn't seem that logical.

I'm glad you asked

Happy birthday Mom!!

I think October can be chalked up under the tag "months that went missing." It's just another relatively long period of time that swiftly passed undetected, again striking up the realistic question of just exactly how much time can sneak by before I notice that I've been here for too long. Only time will tell.

My lack of blogging is exactly as it appears to be: I have nothing to say. Starter X has finally settled into a nice groove, where I can demand and expect control and productivity. The Squirrels are still angelic geniuses who literally have left me speechless with the things that come out of their mouth. For example, during a brainstorm activity related to a book we were reading, I decided to bring up evolution. When asked "Why do you think a cheetah has spots?", a question which I was only half prepared to answer, one girl raised her hand and answered quite matter-of-factly, "I think a cheetah has spots so we can use its skin to make a bag." I know what you're thinking, and you're right; In addition to hiding enormous brains behind adorable faces, they've got style. Next question: "Why do you think a rabbit has long ears?" Good question, Teacher John, why don't you at least try to challenge us. "A rabbit has to have long ears, otherwise it will not hear the other animals that want to eat it." I've spent the past week since this incident trying to figure out how, if I was required to, I would even explain the word "otherwise." I'm open to suggestions.

During nap time, it's a kindergarten joke that after all the other teachers are finished complaining about how idiotic their kids are, they turn to me and ask me what the Squirrels thought of War and Peace. (They hated it. I made sure they are Shakespeare scholars.)

If you haven't seen through it already, this blog is less of me trying to convince you how smart my kids are, and more of me trying to use them to show you how much fun I'm having.

I tell stupid stories for a living. I talk about animals all day, and as long as I explain the grammar I'm using, it's considered teaching. For International Day, I got to choose a country to have my class present (Spain) and I got to pick out what I thought were the coolest things to have my kids say. They listen when I talk, because as long as I'm acting as if it's the most awesome thing I've ever said, they believe me. And when I'm finished, they say "Cool! I want to learn more!" (true story).

It's a total cliche, but like Confucius said, "Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life." Or, as Kanye West said many years later, "Welcome to the good life..."

Starter X

(warning: not for the faint of heart)

My days of 8:30-3:30 are over. The Squirrels are no longer my only students. I now know why teachers stress out.

Without getting way too overly hyperbolic and making a gigantic, unnecessary, blown-out-of-proportion exaggeration, I'll try to explain my new class: Starter X.

Let's start with the name. Each buxiban (in which the variable x=sh) class is given a letter name, based only on the order in which they are created. When I was told that I was volunteering to take a new class, I was ecstatic about the name. How badass. I actually find it hard to say "Starter X" aloud without crossing my arms and getting into a crouched position like I'm bracing for an attack.

Anyway.

On the subject of names, I finally got to name some students! They were all quasi-normal, based on my opinion of normal after having encountered a fair amount of people with English names in the past 22 years. That being said, I take no blame (or credit?) for Bernini, York, Gigi, Pola, Soros, or Vivi, who all signed up for my class with English-ish names.

The class, which I already claimed is not for the faint of heart, can only be described in comparison to my Squirrels. I'm very quick to say that the Squirrel class is the envy of the school, yet I'm just as quick to admit that this was true of them before I took over. They speak incredible English, they have impeccable manners, and a sense of awareness and etiquette that is absent in a great deal of the adult population. Hopefully you're getting the idea of the contrast about to come.

Starter X is on average about 2 years older than the Squirrels. However, the Squirrels have 2 more years of classroom experience (2-0=2). Starter X is hardly a few weeks beyond their first footsteps into a real classroom in Chinese elementary school, so they are lacking the basic knowledge of "sit in a chair and watch the adult in front of you for more than 10 seconds at a time." For me, the gap dividing teacher and student, Chinese and English, is bridged by a puppet. Or an over-sized blow-up dice. This gets them to at least try to repeat what I'm saying. And I try not to say much, because "Okay... say 'pencil'" turns into "okaysaypencil."

I come prepared to class with about 1,000 activities so I can keep their attention at all times by either singing, dancing, hitting myself with a puppet, giving them a hammer to hit flash cards with, juggling, clapping... does the word "clown" come to mind?

Starter X is only 2 extra hours a week, but so far, after 3 weeks, I have yet to come out of that class without sweat on my brow, a hoarse voice and a finger on the trigger. It's a really awesome experience, since this is exactly what I thought I'd be doing over here. Not that I have a problem with how 30 minutes before I step into X-Class I'm listening to my 6-year-old girls explain to me that "A sea turtle's habitat is the ocean and not a pond because they need salt-water to live and will die in fresh water."

Emily's Greatest Hits

Over the course of the last 5 months or so that I've spent with my class, I pick up pointers from the students themselves on the best way to teach them. A teacher can plan every minute of every lesson and still come up empty when it comes to actually teaching, if they don't know the audience. Of course, I've been on a epic trial-and-error journey with this whole teaching bit, but like I said, the best material comes from the students themselves.

Every two weeks I teach what we call a "Reader," which is usually an 8-page book with a specific phonics point, (i.e. lots of "l" words, "Lucy likes lettuce.") and a repeating grammar pattern. "Lucy likes [lettuce, lasagna, ladybugs, etc.]" I have two weeks to get them to be able to read the whole thing, comprehend the meaning of each word, and also be able to apply the grammar pattern to everyday speech.

The first, and arguably most important, day of this 2 week window is the presentation; introduce the VOC (vocabulary) through an interesting story that uses the grammar pattern and also is stimulating enough for them to remember. Here's where the students come in:

In order to tell a successful story, a teacher needs to be inside the mind of the students. Find out what makes them tick. In my class' case, it's any kind of babies, animals or people, families, and places they know very well, like 7-Eleven. Peppering these ingredients throughout any story is going to increase the retention rate 10-fold. After realizing this, I have a sort of series of stories that I like to tell. We'll call them "Emily's Greatest Hits."

I think we are all aware of the phenomena of teachers having a life outside of school. I can remember trying to wrap my own head around the fact that some of my elementary school teachers have parents, and I'll never forget the moment I told the Squirrels that I have little sister. It pretty much rocked their world and they had a million questions. Now, whenever I tell Emily Stories, I have full and undivided attention.

Amusement Park (rides):

When I was in New York, I went to an amusement park with my little sister, Emily. There were so many rides! We walked around for a little while because we didn't know which ones to go on first. "Let's go on the roller coaster," I suggested. "I don't want too! It's too fast!" Emily said. So we kept walking. "Let's go on the Ferris Wheel!" But no, "It's too high!" Emily said this time. (The cable cars were also too high, bumper cars were too scary) so we eventually just went on the Merry-go-round because it wasn't too fast, wasn't too high, and we got to ride unicorns.

Emily's Day Off (illnesses):

Emily really didn't like to go to school. One day she decided to pretend to be sick. When my mom came in to wake her up for school, Emily said "oooohhhh (holding her stomach)." My mom asked "What's the matter?" to which Emily replied, "I have a stomachache." But my mom is very smart and said, "No you don't! Got to school!" Emily's reaction was scrunched up lips, lowered eyebrows, and hands to the hips with a healthy "Hmph!!" This conversation happened every morning for a week, but substituting headache, cold, fever, sore throat.

Stop By a Pond (pond animals):

When Emily was a baby, I took her to a pond to see all the animals. We saw some ducks and I whispered "Emily, look at the ducks!" and she screamed "WOW! COOL!" and scared them all away. I rolled my eyes, shook my head, and pinched the bridge of my nose and said "Emmmmaaaaleeeeeee..." The same thing happened with a beaver, an otter, and some turtles. When we saw some polliwogs, she finally whispered, but she touched the water and they all swam away. Then she saw a frog and pointed it out to me and I said, "WOW!! COOL!" and I scared the frog away.

So, Emily, even though you sound like a problem-child in my stories, my students think you are hysterical and they love you (so do I!).

Q & A: Part 2 (updated)

Q: Hey Johnny! If the world were flat, would Taiwan be on the left or right side of the map?

A: It depends where you live.

This question was sent about 2 days after I became prepared to answer it. To prep for a lesson for my class, I drew a map of the world on my whiteboard. Mind you, I drew a map the way I know how, which is with England and the Atlantic Ocean in the middle, and the Pacific Ocean at the ends of the Earth, if you will:



For the most part, in Asia, the maps have the Pacific Ocean in the middle and the Americas are about as far to the right as you can get without falling off the map.


So I'm putting the finishing touches on my whiteboard map when a few of my students walk in, and to gauge my drawing skills I ask them to point out New York (keeping in mind these kids know its location very well). They went straight to the right side of the board and pointed at Japan. Confused at first, I asked them to point to Australia. They walked to South America, stared at it for a few seconds before pointing to Brazil. Taiwan? They pointed at Cuba.

So maybe I'll answer your question with another question: Where do you think Taiwan would be?


Q: Isn't America considered to be "Western civilization?" So wouldn't it be to the west of the rest of the world?

A: I'm don't know why I'm even responding to you people about this question. Can't we just accept that the world isn't flat, and you can reach the U.S. by traveling both east and west? If not, than please consult your internet browser for more information.

a hemisphere lesson with Dr. Globe
Dictionary.com's definition of "Western" (see def. 6)
Wikipedia's article on the "Western World"