Taipei Zoo Report Card (Part 2)

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We meet again, Taipei Zoo. It seems like only yesterday that I was speed-walking through your African Animal Area as you tried endlessly to awe me with your exotic wildlife, subjecting yourself to my harsh grading system. A fine establishment indeed, although I only was able to see about 20% of what you have to offer.

This week, along with my kindergarten class, I was on the prowl again at the zoo. As judgmental as ever, I tried as best I could to inspect each animal exhibit while also juggling 18 five-year-olds in 90 degree heat and 113% humidity.


Formosan Animal Area: B-
For such a small island, Taiwan has some pretty impressive wildlife. The animals themselves were readily available for viewing and were nothing short of entertaining. My question though: how hard is it to get a deer, flying squirrel, otter, or black bear from any country and slap the word "Formosan" on the name tag to give yourself more diverse fauna? Anyone with me on this conspiracy theory?

Spider Monkeys: A+
These guys were born to be zoo animals. Swinging, climbing, jumping, and howling non-stop was enough to draw a standing ovation from a group of Taiwanese youngsters (and their American teacher). Sure beats whatever they were doing wherever they came from. Keep up the great work, guys!

Giant Panda: B+
The panda's grade went up slightly. The line was longer and the actual viewing time was about the same. One panda was passed out in the back corner of the cage, and the other one was pacing around. Continue air-conditioning the Panda House and I see great improvement in the coming months.

Needle-nose Pliers Crocodile: F
I made up the name, but I'm sure you can imagine this fabulous animal. "Teacher, is it dead already?" inquired one of my English-learning youngsters. How do you explain to a child about animals that refuse to flash their sharp teeth despite being fed and sheltered? Here's a tip: if you ever plan to get a passing grade, start by not blending in with your habitat.

Other kinds of Monkeys: A+
This includes all the Tropical Rain forest monkeys. Again with the climbing, swinging, picking, and just being generally disgusting(something that was happening on both sides of the barrier). All these guys have to do is show up to work and the crowd goes wild. I even took notes to improve my own teaching.

Leopard: D
This giant, dry-heaving, spotted feline was doomed from the start. None of my kids could wrap their minds around the fact that it wasn't a cheetah. Maybe next time, leopard. Good luck with that hair ball.

Asian Elephants: B
Sorry, boys, those tiny little ears don't hold a candle to the mainsails on the African Elephants. Major points earned for being an elephant. Always a crowd-pleaser, so good job being elephants. Sorry you didn't make it in the big tent. (Don't forget to giggle after reading the first sentence.)

Tigers: F
Wake up, you bums.

Nocturnal House: F-
I hope you understand that this wasn't my idea. This is my idea: a company called "Johnny's Pest Control/Nocturnal House Supplier." This place epitomizes that whole trash vs. treasure bit. I didn't know how to explain to my kids why I kept yelling "Scram!" at all the animals. "Teacher John, I can't see!" they whined. "That's okay," I said. "They're rats. Don't you remember anything I told you about New York?" The worst part about this dimly lit maze was that the only thing at the end was a great example of pathetic fallacy: a rainstorm.


Taipei Zoo: A-
The more I see, the more I like. Anything that keeps my class entertained for a day when I don't have to is A-OK in my book. Still to come in the Taipei Zoo Report Card series: The Penguin House, Amphibian and Reptile House, and the Bird House.


pictures of animals and my little kiddies from Zoo Round Two (just found out- the zoom function on my pic page is pretty cool.)

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