I had a chat with one of my co-workers the other day about what in fact is so appealing about living in Taiwan. He is one of the many people I know who planned to stay for a year and now has been here for about 5 years. I think he really hit the nail on the head with how he worded the situation.
He basically said that because we don't really live here, or speak the language for that matter, we aren't really involved in Taiwanese politics, drama, and other domestic issues that would normally strike our nerves back at home. On the other hand, we aren't at home to have to deal with those certain issues mentioned above. We are more or less isolated in our own worlds. It's a liberating feeling being a foreigner who is far away from home and politely ignorant to the immediate surroundings. It really gives you time to focus on yourself and your own life.
Speaking of reasons why I love Taiwan, apparently it's pretty cool if you have zits and are balding. Allow me to explain...
A few weeks ago I was chatting with my boss' husband and another of my superiors, both of whom are Taiwanese. I had just recently shaved my head and was telling them how I didn't really like my new hair cut because of how obvious it makes the fact that I am bald(ing).
"Not to worry," they assured me. "In Taiwanese culture, balding is a sign that you will be very successful. If you lose your hair it means you think a lot." (This is right on par with Billy Joel's thoughts on balding: "It's not about less hair, it's about more head.") Then, of course, they referred to the very man I was speaking with, who owns the school. He is, of course, very successful. However, his 40-year-old hairline has only receded approximately the diameter of 2 strands of hair. If that's all the hair-loss it takes to be successful, then at age 22 I should be ready to open a Swiss bank account in no time.
Also recently, I was talking with my co-teacher when she stopped mid-sentence and stared at my nose.
"Do you have a zit?" I hadn't seen a mirror in about 10 hours and she had a pretty good view of my face, so I presumed I did.
"Uh... I guess so," I answered sheepishly. In general, back at home, I think people politely pretend not to notice blemishes on their friends' faces.
"In Taiwanese culture that means that somebody misses you."
Well, I've had very clear skin since I've been in Taiwan, so that belief is either a really clever way to avoid embarrassment throughout middle school, or nobody really misses me (especially since that "zit" didn't even turn out to be one). You tell me...
.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
This deserves its own post
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Taiwan farts don't stink.
Yeah, I said it, and I think I would know by now. Ladies and gentleman of the jury...
Exhibit A:
I lived with Dave for a month in a room small enough for one small squeak to smoke the place out, but nothing. I slept in the same bed with him for a month. Not a single Dutch Oven. (Cold stare into the eyes of the jurors.)
Exhibit B:
I've been living with Mike for 2 months now and I'm not embarrassed to admit that we are not gas deficient. Odor, on the other hand, is definitely in short supply.
(Refill glass of water, only to pour it right down the hatch.) No further witnesses.
I don't know what to attribute this great phenomenon to, but I do know that it scares me. I will begin collecting evidence to figure out this mystery.
Taiwan farts don't stink.
Yeah, I said it, and I think I would know by now. Ladies and gentleman of the jury...
Exhibit A:
I lived with Dave for a month in a room small enough for one small squeak to smoke the place out, but nothing. I slept in the same bed with him for a month. Not a single Dutch Oven. (Cold stare into the eyes of the jurors.)
Exhibit B:
I've been living with Mike for 2 months now and I'm not embarrassed to admit that we are not gas deficient. Odor, on the other hand, is definitely in short supply.
(Refill glass of water, only to pour it right down the hatch.) No further witnesses.
I don't know what to attribute this great phenomenon to, but I do know that it scares me. I will begin collecting evidence to figure out this mystery.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
What's in a name?
"Names are a great mystery. I've never known whether the name is molded by the child or the child changed to fit the name. But you can be sure of this -- whenever a human has a nickname it is a proof that the name given him was wrong."
~John Steinbeck
Here is a list of great names I heard on Saturday:
Destroy and Icey: 2 dudes that work at the movie theater where I saw the new Terminator movie.
Liz: the guy that sold Mike a new pair of flip-flops. His name is very fitting.
Cola: an attractive girl that works at a jewelry counter in Ximending. C-O-L-A, Cola.
Skeet: a random guy we met at a grocery store that speaks great English. Wondering if he's aware of his name's implications.
Not Band: a rock and roll cover band consisting of a bunch of 17-year-olds that we met on the train.
Here we are rocking out with Not Band on the train:
Speaking of names, how about these names for students: Legal, Genius, Zero, Lion, Eagle, Apple, Christ... (it's a goal of mine to be asked to help assign English names to our new classes).
Finally, taking the award for awkward naming, here is a picture of me and Mike shopping for new hoods:
~John Steinbeck
Destroy and Icey: 2 dudes that work at the movie theater where I saw the new Terminator movie.
Liz: the guy that sold Mike a new pair of flip-flops. His name is very fitting.
Cola: an attractive girl that works at a jewelry counter in Ximending. C-O-L-A, Cola.
Skeet: a random guy we met at a grocery store that speaks great English. Wondering if he's aware of his name's implications.
Not Band: a rock and roll cover band consisting of a bunch of 17-year-olds that we met on the train.
Here we are rocking out with Not Band on the train:
Speaking of names, how about these names for students: Legal, Genius, Zero, Lion, Eagle, Apple, Christ... (it's a goal of mine to be asked to help assign English names to our new classes).
Finally, taking the award for awkward naming, here is a picture of me and Mike shopping for new hoods:
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Bizzaros
At some point or another everyone has come across a "bizzaro" of someone they know. You know, the person who has an uncanny resemblance to someone you know, to the point where you would swear by insisting they are twins separated at birth, if not distant relatives.
As much as we like to play up the "unique individual" card, I'm gonna have to go ahead and sorta disagree with that. Sure, nobody shares your fingerprints, but I bet there are tons of people out there that could get away with being your stunt double.
Take snowflakes, for example. We all know that "no two snowflakes are exactly alike." But let's face it, when you are staring at two feet of snow on your driveway wielding a shabby plastic shovel, snow is snow is snow. You sure as hell aren't going to fingerprint any of those flakes. Isn't that what life is about, anyway? A bunch of snowflakes claiming originality, but all floating aimlessly in the same direction, praying that they can avoid a gaping mouth with a fat, warm tongue hanging out.
And for what? Maybe you get packed into the head of the biggest snowman on the block. Maybe you get pissed on. Maybe you get balled up and tossed into battle. Or maybe, if you're like most snowflakes, you just end up lying there among the rest of the flakes, waiting for the next one to fall on you and take your place on the front lines of the beauty of an untouched snowfall. And at what price? The closer to the surface you are, the sooner you are going to melt. But they keep coming, one after the other, fighting to be on top.
Whatever snowflake you have become or are destined to be, don't we all have the same fate? As sure as the sun will rise, Spring will come and the snow will melt. Once a blinding white blanket of snow is now a puddle turning dirt into mud. Are there any two drops of water that are alike? Are there any that are different? Where do you draw a line between a drop of water and an ocean? At one moment you are a frozen crystal with never before seen beauty, and the next moment you are seeping into the ground and can't tell yourself from the guy next to you, helping you hydrate the weeds in somebody's garden.
If the glass is half full, or if your religion allows it, one day you will find yourself again, after what seems like an eternity of evaporation, condensation, etc., until one day you're floating with the grace of a falling rose petal from a gray cloud on a winter day, a one-of-a-kind snowflake.
...anyway, back to bizzaro people. Since being in Taiwan I've seen a handful of people's Asian Bizzaro. Mike and I have both have had a few instances where we see an Asian person and claim, "If my buddy from home was Asian, that's exactly what he would look like." And there's really no more explanation you can come up with. The two people probably look nothing alike, but there are some people that are distinctly Asian Bizzaros.
Here's an interesting fact:
The only reason I sat down and even opened up a new post was so that I could post this picture. The Asian Bizzaro theory became too real when I saw a Bizzaro Stanley!
As much as we like to play up the "unique individual" card, I'm gonna have to go ahead and sorta disagree with that. Sure, nobody shares your fingerprints, but I bet there are tons of people out there that could get away with being your stunt double.
Take snowflakes, for example. We all know that "no two snowflakes are exactly alike." But let's face it, when you are staring at two feet of snow on your driveway wielding a shabby plastic shovel, snow is snow is snow. You sure as hell aren't going to fingerprint any of those flakes. Isn't that what life is about, anyway? A bunch of snowflakes claiming originality, but all floating aimlessly in the same direction, praying that they can avoid a gaping mouth with a fat, warm tongue hanging out.
And for what? Maybe you get packed into the head of the biggest snowman on the block. Maybe you get pissed on. Maybe you get balled up and tossed into battle. Or maybe, if you're like most snowflakes, you just end up lying there among the rest of the flakes, waiting for the next one to fall on you and take your place on the front lines of the beauty of an untouched snowfall. And at what price? The closer to the surface you are, the sooner you are going to melt. But they keep coming, one after the other, fighting to be on top.
Whatever snowflake you have become or are destined to be, don't we all have the same fate? As sure as the sun will rise, Spring will come and the snow will melt. Once a blinding white blanket of snow is now a puddle turning dirt into mud. Are there any two drops of water that are alike? Are there any that are different? Where do you draw a line between a drop of water and an ocean? At one moment you are a frozen crystal with never before seen beauty, and the next moment you are seeping into the ground and can't tell yourself from the guy next to you, helping you hydrate the weeds in somebody's garden.
If the glass is half full, or if your religion allows it, one day you will find yourself again, after what seems like an eternity of evaporation, condensation, etc., until one day you're floating with the grace of a falling rose petal from a gray cloud on a winter day, a one-of-a-kind snowflake.
...anyway, back to bizzaro people. Since being in Taiwan I've seen a handful of people's Asian Bizzaro. Mike and I have both have had a few instances where we see an Asian person and claim, "If my buddy from home was Asian, that's exactly what he would look like." And there's really no more explanation you can come up with. The two people probably look nothing alike, but there are some people that are distinctly Asian Bizzaros.
Here's an interesting fact:
The only reason I sat down and even opened up a new post was so that I could post this picture. The Asian Bizzaro theory became too real when I saw a Bizzaro Stanley!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Homesick?
I don't think so. No offense, home.
"Aren't you craving a Jack Daniel's Burger from T.G.I. Fridays?" you might ask. "Think about that all-beef patty glazed with Jack Daniel’s traditional glaze and stacked with two strips of crispy bacon and smoky Provolone cheese on a toasted bun. (Served with a side of Jack Daniel's traditional glaze)."
"Good point, I think I'll head to Ximen this weekend."
Obviously major restaurants franchise globally, so it's not really news that I can grab a burger whenever I feel like it. It is pretty safe to say that I'm not really feeling homesick, though, and especially not from a lack of Western-style food. Since I've been here I've had burgers, fries, pizza, pasta, you name it. While it's not especially hard to come by, its more likely that I'll be eating Clean, Japanese, Thai, Taiwanese, Chinese, or even an occasional Kiwi Burger.
My tenure in Taiwan is approaching the 3 month landmark, which I'm told is a relatively trying time period in terms of culture shock and homesickness. Apparently the first 3 months is a "honeymoon" period where everything seems amazing and novel. Spot on so far. If I am to comply with predictions, I should be coming up on the period where my immune system weakens and I become vulnerable to homesickness.
While I can't see myself being homesick anytime soon, the Taiwan novelty has become slightly diminished (as noted by my lack of interesting things to say in posts). On the other hand, I am always very busy with school, so my time to go exploring and find new things is a little bit less than when I was unemployed.
Homesick? The verdict is "no." If I do start to feel the symptoms I will be sure to post them, but in the meantime, check out what I ate for dinner last night:
I think I've come a long way since gagging on chicken feet.
Other updates from this hemisphere: I finally got my ARC (Alien Resident Certificate), making me a legal alien in Taiwan. Take me to your leader... Typhoon season is coming and I'm trying to figure out a way to carry an umbrella and not feel like a fruitcake... I'm still taking W.O.D. suggestions. For the complete list, click here... I've also introduced "Phrase of the Day" for commonly used phrases and idioms. For the complete list, click here... After my 4-day weekend, my school threw a 6-day week counter punch (with a 1-day weekend to cap it off)... I may or may not have shaved my head.
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"Aren't you craving a Jack Daniel's Burger from T.G.I. Fridays?" you might ask. "Think about that all-beef patty glazed with Jack Daniel’s traditional glaze and stacked with two strips of crispy bacon and smoky Provolone cheese on a toasted bun. (Served with a side of Jack Daniel's traditional glaze)."
"Good point, I think I'll head to Ximen this weekend."
Obviously major restaurants franchise globally, so it's not really news that I can grab a burger whenever I feel like it. It is pretty safe to say that I'm not really feeling homesick, though, and especially not from a lack of Western-style food. Since I've been here I've had burgers, fries, pizza, pasta, you name it. While it's not especially hard to come by, its more likely that I'll be eating Clean, Japanese, Thai, Taiwanese, Chinese, or even an occasional Kiwi Burger.
My tenure in Taiwan is approaching the 3 month landmark, which I'm told is a relatively trying time period in terms of culture shock and homesickness. Apparently the first 3 months is a "honeymoon" period where everything seems amazing and novel. Spot on so far. If I am to comply with predictions, I should be coming up on the period where my immune system weakens and I become vulnerable to homesickness.
While I can't see myself being homesick anytime soon, the Taiwan novelty has become slightly diminished (as noted by my lack of interesting things to say in posts). On the other hand, I am always very busy with school, so my time to go exploring and find new things is a little bit less than when I was unemployed.
Homesick? The verdict is "no." If I do start to feel the symptoms I will be sure to post them, but in the meantime, check out what I ate for dinner last night:
I think I've come a long way since gagging on chicken feet.
Other updates from this hemisphere: I finally got my ARC (Alien Resident Certificate), making me a legal alien in Taiwan. Take me to your leader... Typhoon season is coming and I'm trying to figure out a way to carry an umbrella and not feel like a fruitcake... I'm still taking W.O.D. suggestions. For the complete list, click here... I've also introduced "Phrase of the Day" for commonly used phrases and idioms. For the complete list, click here... After my 4-day weekend, my school threw a 6-day week counter punch (with a 1-day weekend to cap it off)... I may or may not have shaved my head.
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Friday, May 29, 2009
Word of the Day
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As of last week, I introduced a "Word of the Day" to my students. My goal is for it to act as something extra for them. They love learning the curriculum material, but as with anyone, they love anything outside the text that I can give them. Teaching outside the box not only provides them with extra information, but it also stimulates their interest and makes them more inclined to focus.
Please help me think of some good words! The criteria is pretty straightforward: something that they will be able to use everyday in a normal conversation. The ones we've had so far I have been able to pepper into lessons many times a day. Here is what we've done so far:
As of last week, I introduced a "Word of the Day" to my students. My goal is for it to act as something extra for them. They love learning the curriculum material, but as with anyone, they love anything outside the text that I can give them. Teaching outside the box not only provides them with extra information, but it also stimulates their interest and makes them more inclined to focus.
Please help me think of some good words! The criteria is pretty straightforward: something that they will be able to use everyday in a normal conversation. The ones we've had so far I have been able to pepper into lessons many times a day. Here is what we've done so far:
- amazing
- terrible
- spotless
- filthy
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Taipei Zoo Report Card (Part 2)
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We meet again, Taipei Zoo. It seems like only yesterday that I was speed-walking through your African Animal Area as you tried endlessly to awe me with your exotic wildlife, subjecting yourself to my harsh grading system. A fine establishment indeed, although I only was able to see about 20% of what you have to offer.
This week, along with my kindergarten class, I was on the prowl again at the zoo. As judgmental as ever, I tried as best I could to inspect each animal exhibit while also juggling 18 five-year-olds in 90 degree heat and 113% humidity.
Formosan Animal Area: B-
For such a small island, Taiwan has some pretty impressive wildlife. The animals themselves were readily available for viewing and were nothing short of entertaining. My question though: how hard is it to get a deer, flying squirrel, otter, or black bear from any country and slap the word "Formosan" on the name tag to give yourself more diverse fauna? Anyone with me on this conspiracy theory?
Spider Monkeys: A+
These guys were born to be zoo animals. Swinging, climbing, jumping, and howling non-stop was enough to draw a standing ovation from a group of Taiwanese youngsters (and their American teacher). Sure beats whatever they were doing wherever they came from. Keep up the great work, guys!
Giant Panda: B+
The panda's grade went up slightly. The line was longer and the actual viewing time was about the same. One panda was passed out in the back corner of the cage, and the other one was pacing around. Continue air-conditioning the Panda House and I see great improvement in the coming months.
Needle-nose Pliers Crocodile: F
I made up the name, but I'm sure you can imagine this fabulous animal. "Teacher, is it dead already?" inquired one of my English-learning youngsters. How do you explain to a child about animals that refuse to flash their sharp teeth despite being fed and sheltered? Here's a tip: if you ever plan to get a passing grade, start by not blending in with your habitat.
Other kinds of Monkeys: A+
This includes all the Tropical Rain forest monkeys. Again with the climbing, swinging, picking, and just being generally disgusting(something that was happening on both sides of the barrier). All these guys have to do is show up to work and the crowd goes wild. I even took notes to improve my own teaching.
Leopard: D
This giant, dry-heaving, spotted feline was doomed from the start. None of my kids could wrap their minds around the fact that it wasn't a cheetah. Maybe next time, leopard. Good luck with that hair ball.
Asian Elephants: B
Sorry, boys, those tiny little ears don't hold a candle to the mainsails on the African Elephants. Major points earned for being an elephant. Always a crowd-pleaser, so good job being elephants. Sorry you didn't make it in the big tent. (Don't forget to giggle after reading the first sentence.)
Tigers: F
Wake up, you bums.
Nocturnal House: F-
I hope you understand that this wasn't my idea. This is my idea: a company called "Johnny's Pest Control/Nocturnal House Supplier." This place epitomizes that whole trash vs. treasure bit. I didn't know how to explain to my kids why I kept yelling "Scram!" at all the animals. "Teacher John, I can't see!" they whined. "That's okay," I said. "They're rats. Don't you remember anything I told you about New York?" The worst part about this dimly lit maze was that the only thing at the end was a great example of pathetic fallacy: a rainstorm.
Taipei Zoo: A-
The more I see, the more I like. Anything that keeps my class entertained for a day when I don't have to is A-OK in my book. Still to come in the Taipei Zoo Report Card series: The Penguin House, Amphibian and Reptile House, and the Bird House.
pictures of animals and my little kiddies from Zoo Round Two (just found out- the zoom function on my pic page is pretty cool.)
.
We meet again, Taipei Zoo. It seems like only yesterday that I was speed-walking through your African Animal Area as you tried endlessly to awe me with your exotic wildlife, subjecting yourself to my harsh grading system. A fine establishment indeed, although I only was able to see about 20% of what you have to offer.
This week, along with my kindergarten class, I was on the prowl again at the zoo. As judgmental as ever, I tried as best I could to inspect each animal exhibit while also juggling 18 five-year-olds in 90 degree heat and 113% humidity.
Formosan Animal Area: B-
For such a small island, Taiwan has some pretty impressive wildlife. The animals themselves were readily available for viewing and were nothing short of entertaining. My question though: how hard is it to get a deer, flying squirrel, otter, or black bear from any country and slap the word "Formosan" on the name tag to give yourself more diverse fauna? Anyone with me on this conspiracy theory?
Spider Monkeys: A+
These guys were born to be zoo animals. Swinging, climbing, jumping, and howling non-stop was enough to draw a standing ovation from a group of Taiwanese youngsters (and their American teacher). Sure beats whatever they were doing wherever they came from. Keep up the great work, guys!
Giant Panda: B+
The panda's grade went up slightly. The line was longer and the actual viewing time was about the same. One panda was passed out in the back corner of the cage, and the other one was pacing around. Continue air-conditioning the Panda House and I see great improvement in the coming months.
Needle-nose Pliers Crocodile: F
I made up the name, but I'm sure you can imagine this fabulous animal. "Teacher, is it dead already?" inquired one of my English-learning youngsters. How do you explain to a child about animals that refuse to flash their sharp teeth despite being fed and sheltered? Here's a tip: if you ever plan to get a passing grade, start by not blending in with your habitat.
Other kinds of Monkeys: A+
This includes all the Tropical Rain forest monkeys. Again with the climbing, swinging, picking, and just being generally disgusting(something that was happening on both sides of the barrier). All these guys have to do is show up to work and the crowd goes wild. I even took notes to improve my own teaching.
Leopard: D
This giant, dry-heaving, spotted feline was doomed from the start. None of my kids could wrap their minds around the fact that it wasn't a cheetah. Maybe next time, leopard. Good luck with that hair ball.
Asian Elephants: B
Sorry, boys, those tiny little ears don't hold a candle to the mainsails on the African Elephants. Major points earned for being an elephant. Always a crowd-pleaser, so good job being elephants. Sorry you didn't make it in the big tent. (Don't forget to giggle after reading the first sentence.)
Tigers: F
Wake up, you bums.
Nocturnal House: F-
I hope you understand that this wasn't my idea. This is my idea: a company called "Johnny's Pest Control/Nocturnal House Supplier." This place epitomizes that whole trash vs. treasure bit. I didn't know how to explain to my kids why I kept yelling "Scram!" at all the animals. "Teacher John, I can't see!" they whined. "That's okay," I said. "They're rats. Don't you remember anything I told you about New York?" The worst part about this dimly lit maze was that the only thing at the end was a great example of pathetic fallacy: a rainstorm.
Taipei Zoo: A-
The more I see, the more I like. Anything that keeps my class entertained for a day when I don't have to is A-OK in my book. Still to come in the Taipei Zoo Report Card series: The Penguin House, Amphibian and Reptile House, and the Bird House.
pictures of animals and my little kiddies from Zoo Round Two (just found out- the zoom function on my pic page is pretty cool.)
.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Lights... camera... action!
...well, minus the lights. And the action. So with no lights or action, what do we need a camera for anyway?
So apparently even in Taiwan you need to pay your electric bill in order to ensure the output of electricity. Also, hopefully at this point not to anyone's surprise, the bills are in Chinese. Goodbye lights and action.
Assuming everyone has seen the movie "Office Space," (if you haven't: shame on you. If you're lucky, Blockbuster is still open. Go.) our power outage resulted in what played out to be exactly the "TPS report memo" situation. Once the news got around that Mike and I were having romantic candlelit evenings, here are some of the conversations we had at school...
"Do you know where your mailbox is?"
"Yeah, we check the mail pretty much everyday. We just don't think we got the bill."
"Okay. Because the bills usually come in the mail."
"Do you check your mail?"
"Yep. Our mailbox is empty, but we can't read Chinese."
"Okay. Maybe we'll send somebody over to help you check your mail."
"Do you know how to check your mail?"
"Yeah...we do. I checked today. Empty."
"Really. The bills come in the mail, so you have to make sure you check your mail and pay them."
...we'll make sure you get another copy of that memo.
to see me in a rice-picker hat, click here.
to read about David in Taipei City, click here.
.
So apparently even in Taiwan you need to pay your electric bill in order to ensure the output of electricity. Also, hopefully at this point not to anyone's surprise, the bills are in Chinese. Goodbye lights and action.
Assuming everyone has seen the movie "Office Space," (if you haven't: shame on you. If you're lucky, Blockbuster is still open. Go.) our power outage resulted in what played out to be exactly the "TPS report memo" situation. Once the news got around that Mike and I were having romantic candlelit evenings, here are some of the conversations we had at school...
"Do you know where your mailbox is?"
"Yeah, we check the mail pretty much everyday. We just don't think we got the bill."
"Okay. Because the bills usually come in the mail."
"Do you check your mail?"
"Yep. Our mailbox is empty, but we can't read Chinese."
"Okay. Maybe we'll send somebody over to help you check your mail."
"Do you know how to check your mail?"
"Yeah...we do. I checked today. Empty."
"Really. The bills come in the mail, so you have to make sure you check your mail and pay them."
...we'll make sure you get another copy of that memo.
to see me in a rice-picker hat, click here.
to read about David in Taipei City, click here.
.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
I <3 Taiwan
After a lovely afternoon of hot springs in Xinbeitou and a delicious "Garlic Fry Pork" dinner in Taipei, I boarded the train home to Shijr. We were packed like sardines into the train car, and the young Taiwanese gentleman in front of me happened to be wearing the classic "I ♥ NY" T-shirt.
Mike and I decided that I should tell him I am from New York. The conversation went something like this:
[Train moves abruptly and the boy falls into me. I catch him.]
J(ohnny): It's a good thing you love New York or I wouldn't have caught you!
B(oy): [smiles]
J: [pointing to the boy's shirt] I like your shirt. I'm from New York. [pulls out driver's license and points to "New York."]
B: [smiles] New York is very good. [thumbs up]
J: Taiwan is very good too [thumbs up]. I wish I had an "I love Taiwan" shirt.
B:[smiles]
[I happened to not only be wearing a plain white tee, but I also had a neat little pen with, not one, but four colors! Mike created a masterpiece on my chest...]
In order to show my respect and appreciation, I diplomatically returned the cross-ocean compliment. Together, as ambassadors for our respective countries, we shook hands, posed for pictures, chatted for a little while, and pretty much exhausted his English vocabulary. He likes baseball, particularly the New York Yankees, but even more particularly Chen Ming Wan. He also liked my chest muscles (which I was thrusting forward for the picture).
.
Mike and I decided that I should tell him I am from New York. The conversation went something like this:
[Train moves abruptly and the boy falls into me. I catch him.]
J(ohnny): It's a good thing you love New York or I wouldn't have caught you!
B(oy): [smiles]
J: [pointing to the boy's shirt] I like your shirt. I'm from New York. [pulls out driver's license and points to "New York."]
B: [smiles] New York is very good. [thumbs up]
J: Taiwan is very good too [thumbs up]. I wish I had an "I love Taiwan" shirt.
B:[smiles]
[I happened to not only be wearing a plain white tee, but I also had a neat little pen with, not one, but four colors! Mike created a masterpiece on my chest...]
In order to show my respect and appreciation, I diplomatically returned the cross-ocean compliment. Together, as ambassadors for our respective countries, we shook hands, posed for pictures, chatted for a little while, and pretty much exhausted his English vocabulary. He likes baseball, particularly the New York Yankees, but even more particularly Chen Ming Wan. He also liked my chest muscles (which I was thrusting forward for the picture).
.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Taipei Zoo Report Card (Part 1)
(photo update)
Here's a challenge: go to a zoo for 1 hour and try to find animals that don't suck.
Over the weekend, I went to Taipei Zoo with Mike and B. A late start got us there just before 4:00 pm, which is when they stop letting people in. The Zoo closes at 5:00, so we had about 1 hour to see as many animals as we could.
After we coughed up $60 NT, roughly 1.84 USD or 24.16 Mexican Pesos, we tried to map out the best route for seeing the "cool" animals, what we later decided were the ones from Africa. To sum up our trip I've decided to grade each exhibit.
Giant Panda: B
This is generous grade. I only managed 3 pictures because I was being herded quickly through the exhibit. They get points for just being cool animals. (Q: What did the Panda say to the Polar Bear? A: You shoulda seen the other guy!)
Everything in the Nocturnal House: F
Advice for zoo-goers: if you only have 1 hour to look at animals, skip the Nocturnal House. It's lame. Nocturnal animals are proof of evolution, because they're the animals nobody wants to see in the light. Nobody wants to see raccoons and field mice. Ever. Especially not at a zoo. We wasted 5 minutes trying to grope our way to the exits.
Camels: B+
Camels, you're alright. Nothing beats a field full of camel-toes. Especially when they've got the zookeepers spendin' all their money on 'em.
Hippos: A
For being fat with stumpy legs, you sure do kill a lot of people per year. And that thing where only your nostrils and eyes come out of the water is pretty cool, too. One of the few animals at the zoo that actually move.
Zebras: B
Like a horse, but not boring. This is one animal that makes you wonder "How did that happen?" Fortunately we got there right at half-time so we were able to get a few photos.
Rhinos: B-
Extra points for the built in weapon. Minus points for using your face as a kickstand to help you sleep while standing up while I'm trying to extract optimal cool-ness from the zoo. One of their faces was right in a pile of droppings. He'll probably wake up hungry.
Lions: A
I have a soft spot for lions, mostly because of The Lion King. No males on display, but at least Nala and Sarabi weren't inside the den nagging.
Giraffes: B
They were lying in the grass and not eating the highest leaves off the trees, which would be the ideal image to go along with my expectations. But long necks are cool, especially for animals with malodorous hooves.
Animals that resemble deer: D
There are a bunch of animals lumped into this category. Which is why they only get a D, because they aren't very unique. Curly horns, pointy horns, stubby horns, whatever. Do something productive with your life, like invest in a glowing nose.
Ostrich: A-
The ostrich found a hole in the pen and stared at us for quite awhile. It was a special moment. Come back when you can fly and you'll see that A- turn into an A+.
Gorilla: F
MIA
Assorted monkeys: C-
Chimps were MIA and the other monkeys flung too much poo at their Plexiglas windows so we could barely see anything.
Taipei Zoo: B+
Lots of (surprisingly correct) informative English. It's not the biggest zoo in the world, but for the price of 4000 ml of green tea, or two pieces of delicious fried chicken from the street vendor, or a piece of cake and a chocolate milk, how can you be disappointed? This review is 75% incomplete, as we pretty much only saw African animals. Perhaps one day I will pick up where I left off and finish the Taipei Zoo report card.
Here's a challenge: go to a zoo for 1 hour and try to find animals that don't suck.
Over the weekend, I went to Taipei Zoo with Mike and B. A late start got us there just before 4:00 pm, which is when they stop letting people in. The Zoo closes at 5:00, so we had about 1 hour to see as many animals as we could.
After we coughed up $60 NT, roughly 1.84 USD or 24.16 Mexican Pesos, we tried to map out the best route for seeing the "cool" animals, what we later decided were the ones from Africa. To sum up our trip I've decided to grade each exhibit.
Giant Panda: B
This is generous grade. I only managed 3 pictures because I was being herded quickly through the exhibit. They get points for just being cool animals. (Q: What did the Panda say to the Polar Bear? A: You shoulda seen the other guy!)
Everything in the Nocturnal House: F
Advice for zoo-goers: if you only have 1 hour to look at animals, skip the Nocturnal House. It's lame. Nocturnal animals are proof of evolution, because they're the animals nobody wants to see in the light. Nobody wants to see raccoons and field mice. Ever. Especially not at a zoo. We wasted 5 minutes trying to grope our way to the exits.
Camels: B+
Camels, you're alright. Nothing beats a field full of camel-toes. Especially when they've got the zookeepers spendin' all their money on 'em.
Hippos: A
For being fat with stumpy legs, you sure do kill a lot of people per year. And that thing where only your nostrils and eyes come out of the water is pretty cool, too. One of the few animals at the zoo that actually move.
Zebras: B
Like a horse, but not boring. This is one animal that makes you wonder "How did that happen?" Fortunately we got there right at half-time so we were able to get a few photos.
Rhinos: B-
Extra points for the built in weapon. Minus points for using your face as a kickstand to help you sleep while standing up while I'm trying to extract optimal cool-ness from the zoo. One of their faces was right in a pile of droppings. He'll probably wake up hungry.
Lions: A
I have a soft spot for lions, mostly because of The Lion King. No males on display, but at least Nala and Sarabi weren't inside the den nagging.
Giraffes: B
They were lying in the grass and not eating the highest leaves off the trees, which would be the ideal image to go along with my expectations. But long necks are cool, especially for animals with malodorous hooves.
Animals that resemble deer: D
There are a bunch of animals lumped into this category. Which is why they only get a D, because they aren't very unique. Curly horns, pointy horns, stubby horns, whatever. Do something productive with your life, like invest in a glowing nose.
Ostrich: A-
The ostrich found a hole in the pen and stared at us for quite awhile. It was a special moment. Come back when you can fly and you'll see that A- turn into an A+.
Gorilla: F
MIA
Assorted monkeys: C-
Chimps were MIA and the other monkeys flung too much poo at their Plexiglas windows so we could barely see anything.
Taipei Zoo: B+
Lots of (surprisingly correct) informative English. It's not the biggest zoo in the world, but for the price of 4000 ml of green tea, or two pieces of delicious fried chicken from the street vendor, or a piece of cake and a chocolate milk, how can you be disappointed? This review is 75% incomplete, as we pretty much only saw African animals. Perhaps one day I will pick up where I left off and finish the Taipei Zoo report card.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Is this the year?
For some, the hockey season may be over. For others, their most important game is still waiting for them.
For the less informed reader: I am a big ice hockey fan. To the point where I was getting up at 7:30 in the morning here to sometimes only watch scores refresh every 30 seconds. It's a far cry from the atmosphere at a real game, but it's about all I can do in a country where it's hard to grow ice.
Last weekend however, Mike and I caught wind of an actual ice hockey game taking place in Taipei City. At the grand Taipei Arena, which is only a few blocks from the hotel I lived in for the first month, there were two match-ups set for that night to decide the two teams that were going to the CIHL finals. Not only could I go to watch hockey (for free!), but playoff hockey! For those of you waiting for me to get homesick, this news set that date back a little bit.
I had absolute minimal expectations for this game. I half pictured me and Mike to be the only ones there. Inside Taipei Arena, we walked around and passed a Starbucks where a man was talking to a small group of other guys, saying things like, "I don't want this to be the last game we play this season. I like playing you guys." This team was clearly on the brink of elimination, and we could smell the desperation. It had a hint cinnamon spice mocha.
We took our seats in a slowly filling arena. There were already more people than I expected. Watching the teams warm-up, we decided we needed a team to root for and we landed on the Raptors, whose jerseys were cooler than their opponents, the Lions.
The puck dropped and they were on their way. The game was filled with breakaways and amazing saves, power plays, and they even threw t-shirts into the stands. Our Raptors cruised to a 4-2 victory and a chance for the championship. One of the highlights? Bob.
Bob, of the Hsinchu Raptors, had a fan club. When we arrived at the game, we saw a bunch of fans shuffling in with signs reading "Bob is #1!" and things of that sort. Most of the people were young Taiwanese children, who we assumed were Bob's students. All game long they were giving Bob love. After the game, a victorius Bob stepped off the ice and was mobbed by his adoring fans/students. It was cute as hell, and became a goal of mine for my tenure in Taiwan. Let's go Bob!
Tonight the Raptors are playing the Wolves in the game 3 rubber-match of the finals for all the marbles. I think I'm going to the game to support my boys tonight. Go Raptors!
(more pics from the game(s) soon on my Picasa page)
**Update** The Hsinchu Raptors are the 2008-2009 CIHL Champions after taking it to the Taipei Wolves, beating them by a score of 7-4
.
For the less informed reader: I am a big ice hockey fan. To the point where I was getting up at 7:30 in the morning here to sometimes only watch scores refresh every 30 seconds. It's a far cry from the atmosphere at a real game, but it's about all I can do in a country where it's hard to grow ice.
Last weekend however, Mike and I caught wind of an actual ice hockey game taking place in Taipei City. At the grand Taipei Arena, which is only a few blocks from the hotel I lived in for the first month, there were two match-ups set for that night to decide the two teams that were going to the CIHL finals. Not only could I go to watch hockey (for free!), but playoff hockey! For those of you waiting for me to get homesick, this news set that date back a little bit.
I had absolute minimal expectations for this game. I half pictured me and Mike to be the only ones there. Inside Taipei Arena, we walked around and passed a Starbucks where a man was talking to a small group of other guys, saying things like, "I don't want this to be the last game we play this season. I like playing you guys." This team was clearly on the brink of elimination, and we could smell the desperation. It had a hint cinnamon spice mocha.
We took our seats in a slowly filling arena. There were already more people than I expected. Watching the teams warm-up, we decided we needed a team to root for and we landed on the Raptors, whose jerseys were cooler than their opponents, the Lions.
The puck dropped and they were on their way. The game was filled with breakaways and amazing saves, power plays, and they even threw t-shirts into the stands. Our Raptors cruised to a 4-2 victory and a chance for the championship. One of the highlights? Bob.
Bob, of the Hsinchu Raptors, had a fan club. When we arrived at the game, we saw a bunch of fans shuffling in with signs reading "Bob is #1!" and things of that sort. Most of the people were young Taiwanese children, who we assumed were Bob's students. All game long they were giving Bob love. After the game, a victorius Bob stepped off the ice and was mobbed by his adoring fans/students. It was cute as hell, and became a goal of mine for my tenure in Taiwan. Let's go Bob!
Tonight the Raptors are playing the Wolves in the game 3 rubber-match of the finals for all the marbles. I think I'm going to the game to support my boys tonight. Go Raptors!
(more pics from the game(s) soon on my Picasa page)
**Update** The Hsinchu Raptors are the 2008-2009 CIHL Champions after taking it to the Taipei Wolves, beating them by a score of 7-4
.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Important Information
Dear World-
Having won over your readership has been a great honor for me. While I do hope that I entertain, I also hope that by some indirect way I can inform. While the latter goal often gets pushed aside, I do have a solution:
As some of you recall in conversations with me, I found explaining the Taiwan-China relationship rather tricky and confusing. And others still insist on asking me "How's China?" My answer: I don't know, I've never been. I'm in Taiwan.
As a small favor, please follow this link to a short article about the history and current political status of Taiwan relative to the rest of the world. Written by a certain Alfredo Sennhauser, the article is a clear and articulate up-to-date summary of Taiwan. I hope that many of y
ou will find it interesting, as it is important to unmask the often distorted history of this beautiful island.
I thank you in advance for taking the time to enlighten yourself by reading this article. The truth will set you free.
Keep checking back for more posts - I have a list of stories I want to tell! I also put up a few new pictures of a Taipei City sunset. Enjoy!
.
Having won over your readership has been a great honor for me. While I do hope that I entertain, I also hope that by some indirect way I can inform. While the latter goal often gets pushed aside, I do have a solution:
As some of you recall in conversations with me, I found explaining the Taiwan-China relationship rather tricky and confusing. And others still insist on asking me "How's China?" My answer: I don't know, I've never been. I'm in Taiwan.
As a small favor, please follow this link to a short article about the history and current political status of Taiwan relative to the rest of the world. Written by a certain Alfredo Sennhauser, the article is a clear and articulate up-to-date summary of Taiwan. I hope that many of y
ou will find it interesting, as it is important to unmask the often distorted history of this beautiful island.I thank you in advance for taking the time to enlighten yourself by reading this article. The truth will set you free.
Keep checking back for more posts - I have a list of stories I want to tell! I also put up a few new pictures of a Taipei City sunset. Enjoy!
.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I only wear Korean shoes
After deciding to get a breath of fresh air and maybe some tea with boba in it (which is really good by the way. Its got jelly balls and I like to chew it), Mike and I stepped out of the school to walk around the block. Immediately after exiting, we saw a Taiwanese man standing on the corner with a handful of pamphlets. In any city in the States, this activates a reflex to pretend like you are reading a sign on the opposite side of the street in order to avoid being guilted into taking an advertisement. In Taiwan however, while these birdcage-lining distributors are not hard to find, I don't have pretend these people don't exist. They see my skin and avoid me like the plague, not having the patience to try to explain to a foreigner about the incredible sale they are having at their store around the corner. Normally I walk by unscathed.
But not this guy. He saw me and Mike and smiled as he trotted up to us with two pamphlets in his outstretched arm.
"Do yoo wan Korean shoes?" He was obviously very excited to speak English to us, so I took the piece of paper hanging inches from my face and looked at it. For what? I don't know. I saw some numbers. "We Korean shoes," he insisted.
"Are they better than other kinds of shoes?" Mike asked. It was about that time that I noticed a number on the paper: 150 NTD, roughly $5 US.
"That's pretty cheap for shoes." I looked down at the man's shoes. "Are those Korean shoes?"
"No, no-"
"How can you try to sell us Korean shoes if you don't even wear them? That's not a good marketing strategy."
"Korean shoes!" He started moving his hand back and forth quickly in a scrubbing motion. Of course, only then did it all make sense.
"You want to clean our shoes?"
"Yes, yes! We korean shoes. Very cheap!" He even offered to korean my shoelaces and said he could lace them up exactly the way they are now. I tried to get a job weaving shoelaces, but no dice. We eventually told the man, "no thanks," we can korean our own shoes and walked away.
Moral of the story? Talk to strangers.
.
But not this guy. He saw me and Mike and smiled as he trotted up to us with two pamphlets in his outstretched arm.
"Do yoo wan Korean shoes?" He was obviously very excited to speak English to us, so I took the piece of paper hanging inches from my face and looked at it. For what? I don't know. I saw some numbers. "We Korean shoes," he insisted.
"Are they better than other kinds of shoes?" Mike asked. It was about that time that I noticed a number on the paper: 150 NTD, roughly $5 US.
"That's pretty cheap for shoes." I looked down at the man's shoes. "Are those Korean shoes?"
"No, no-"
"How can you try to sell us Korean shoes if you don't even wear them? That's not a good marketing strategy."
"Korean shoes!" He started moving his hand back and forth quickly in a scrubbing motion. Of course, only then did it all make sense.
"You want to clean our shoes?"
"Yes, yes! We korean shoes. Very cheap!" He even offered to korean my shoelaces and said he could lace them up exactly the way they are now. I tried to get a job weaving shoelaces, but no dice. We eventually told the man, "no thanks," we can korean our own shoes and walked away.
Moral of the story? Talk to strangers.
.
Monday, April 20, 2009
"Quote-unquote"
To read the title aloud, you'd have to say "quote, quote-unquote, unquote," which then leads to an endless amount of quoting, which is a bit of a mouthful. I was thinking today that quotes are very important. I mean that in two ways:
Quotes are important because saying...
I'm singing singing in the rain in the rain.
...makes no sense. But if you say...
I'm singing "singing in the rain" in the rain.
...it becomes a little clearer. Quotes, as you can see, are important.
Quotes, in the sense of the word referring to things other people have said, are just as important. To quote somebody means that you have at some point absorbed a nugget of knowledge about that person. After all, and I quote, "Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."1 People use quotes often, and not just for research, but for inspiration. People live by quotes, and quite frankly, for the amount of time that the concept of language has been around, by now everything we say is a quote. If you can't find the words to say, the chances are someone else has said it already, and in more eloquent rhetoric. Naysayers will say, "Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them,"2 and will I say, "Aha! You fool!"
The dumbfounded stallion will stand there perplexed, not being able to think of anything original to retort.
"You see, my friend," I will say. "'Originality is the art of concealing your sources.'3 It worked for Shakespeare, 'after all, all he did was string together a lot of old well-known quotations.'4"
__________________________________________________________________
Concealed Sources:
1 Wilson Mizner
2 Samuel Palmer
3 Unknown (ironic, eh?)
4 H.L. Mencken
Quotes are important because saying...
I'm singing singing in the rain in the rain.
...makes no sense. But if you say...
I'm singing "singing in the rain" in the rain.
...it becomes a little clearer. Quotes, as you can see, are important.
Quotes, in the sense of the word referring to things other people have said, are just as important. To quote somebody means that you have at some point absorbed a nugget of knowledge about that person. After all, and I quote, "Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."1 People use quotes often, and not just for research, but for inspiration. People live by quotes, and quite frankly, for the amount of time that the concept of language has been around, by now everything we say is a quote. If you can't find the words to say, the chances are someone else has said it already, and in more eloquent rhetoric. Naysayers will say, "Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them,"2 and will I say, "Aha! You fool!"
The dumbfounded stallion will stand there perplexed, not being able to think of anything original to retort.
"You see, my friend," I will say. "'Originality is the art of concealing your sources.'3 It worked for Shakespeare, 'after all, all he did was string together a lot of old well-known quotations.'4"
__________________________________________________________________
Concealed Sources:
1 Wilson Mizner
2 Samuel Palmer
3 Unknown (ironic, eh?)
4 H.L. Mencken
Friday, April 17, 2009
Almost Famous
...or "The Time I Almost Lost a Kidney"
Last weekend I went into Taipei City for the night. I started off at a New Zealand burger joint and ended up at a South African bar/meat pie store. Meeting up with Mike, my Canadian roommate, and B, my South African roommate, and Fred, my Taiwanese friend, we were a melting pot with no assimilation required. After a few TBs (Taiwan Beer) and a couple brandy and cokes, the four of us, plus a peculiar collection of South Africans, were talking like old friends about everything: the joys of teaching, how great Taiwan is, the dangers of smoking, and Chinese birth chart compatibility. However, it soon became time to go to Shilin night market.
It's really hard to do justice to the Shilin night market through description; it's more of an atmosphere you have to breathe and take in. In between two MRT stops, there are hundreds of food stalls, clothing shops on wheels, knick knackerys, carnival games, and so on, all crammed together. They've got belts, and sneakers, and trucker hats galore. Fried chicken, rice noodles, chicken feet and more! It is a culture explosion, contained in a relatively small portion of the city, with a nightly attendance of thousands. As the night progresses, it gets harder and harder to walk through the densely packed alleys. Even if only for a late night snack, the buzz at Shilin night market is worth the trip.
So here we are, Mike, B, a guy Shaun, and I, weaving our way through the crowd. All of a sudden a young man stopped us. "Hey have you guys ever done any commercial acting before?" With a party of four, we defeated the odds- none of us had. "Well I'm actually a casting agent and I'm looking for a white male, kind of sporty with blue eyes to do a bubble gum commercial." I looked around. I had the only blue eyes for miles.
"I'm white!" I exclaimed. "I like sports, too! And I have blue eyes!"
"Yeah, thats great. They are casting tomorrow near SYS Memorial MRT station between 2-5. Take my card, call my phone when you want to go so I can make sure I'm there."
One taxi ride, a few hours of sleep, a headache, and a shower later... Should I call this guy? Eh, why not? Inspired by Josambro, Dave and I have sort of a competition to see who can get famous in Taiwan first. To my understanding, this commercial was for television, so I would be everywhere. So I called. "They're going to do a quick photo shoot, and maybe have you say a few lines while pretending to ride a bike or surf or something."
I got off the MRT and was picked up by a scooter. Being the passenger on a scooter is a very intimate experience. We zipped around town, and when we pulled down a not-so-public street, I started to get worried. I value my kidneys. I entered a small office and was directed to a room with two giant lights pointed at a blank wall. I stood in the spotlights and posed, turned around slowly, and gave a brief introduction. The camera's shutter snapped furiously. I started observing weird things, like how many exits there were and what could potentially be used as a weapon. I couldn't remember if they offered me anything to drink...
The whole operation only lasted about 5 minutes and I was awake for the whole thing (the photo shoot). I was scootered back to the MRT and told that they'd get back to me by Wednesday. Turns out I didn't get the part, "the director changed the requirements for the character." I'd sure like to meet this whiter, sportier, more blue-eyed chump who happens to be in Taiwan.
Last weekend I went into Taipei City for the night. I started off at a New Zealand burger joint and ended up at a South African bar/meat pie store. Meeting up with Mike, my Canadian roommate, and B, my South African roommate, and Fred, my Taiwanese friend, we were a melting pot with no assimilation required. After a few TBs (Taiwan Beer) and a couple brandy and cokes, the four of us, plus a peculiar collection of South Africans, were talking like old friends about everything: the joys of teaching, how great Taiwan is, the dangers of smoking, and Chinese birth chart compatibility. However, it soon became time to go to Shilin night market.
It's really hard to do justice to the Shilin night market through description; it's more of an atmosphere you have to breathe and take in. In between two MRT stops, there are hundreds of food stalls, clothing shops on wheels, knick knackerys, carnival games, and so on, all crammed together. They've got belts, and sneakers, and trucker hats galore. Fried chicken, rice noodles, chicken feet and more! It is a culture explosion, contained in a relatively small portion of the city, with a nightly attendance of thousands. As the night progresses, it gets harder and harder to walk through the densely packed alleys. Even if only for a late night snack, the buzz at Shilin night market is worth the trip.
So here we are, Mike, B, a guy Shaun, and I, weaving our way through the crowd. All of a sudden a young man stopped us. "Hey have you guys ever done any commercial acting before?" With a party of four, we defeated the odds- none of us had. "Well I'm actually a casting agent and I'm looking for a white male, kind of sporty with blue eyes to do a bubble gum commercial." I looked around. I had the only blue eyes for miles.
"I'm white!" I exclaimed. "I like sports, too! And I have blue eyes!"
"Yeah, thats great. They are casting tomorrow near SYS Memorial MRT station between 2-5. Take my card, call my phone when you want to go so I can make sure I'm there."
One taxi ride, a few hours of sleep, a headache, and a shower later... Should I call this guy? Eh, why not? Inspired by Josambro, Dave and I have sort of a competition to see who can get famous in Taiwan first. To my understanding, this commercial was for television, so I would be everywhere. So I called. "They're going to do a quick photo shoot, and maybe have you say a few lines while pretending to ride a bike or surf or something."
I got off the MRT and was picked up by a scooter. Being the passenger on a scooter is a very intimate experience. We zipped around town, and when we pulled down a not-so-public street, I started to get worried. I value my kidneys. I entered a small office and was directed to a room with two giant lights pointed at a blank wall. I stood in the spotlights and posed, turned around slowly, and gave a brief introduction. The camera's shutter snapped furiously. I started observing weird things, like how many exits there were and what could potentially be used as a weapon. I couldn't remember if they offered me anything to drink...
The whole operation only lasted about 5 minutes and I was awake for the whole thing (the photo shoot). I was scootered back to the MRT and told that they'd get back to me by Wednesday. Turns out I didn't get the part, "the director changed the requirements for the character." I'd sure like to meet this whiter, sportier, more blue-eyed chump who happens to be in Taiwan.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Do NOT try this abroad
It's not really fair to try to convince you that everything over here is easy as pie. You'd be silly to believe it, anyway. I've been twelve timezones away from my home for a whole month, I speak the bare minimum of the native language, and for awhile, I didn't have a cell phone. If only Dave was black, I'd have 90% of a comedy screenplay written. But Hollywood or not, with these ingredients, something was bad was bound to brew. Let's turn back a few pages, right at the part where I thought I knew Taipei City like the back of my hand...
I had received an email from Julie, my agent, with the time and location of my initial interview so she could begin pimping me out to the best schools in Taiwan as soon at possible. 3:00 pm? Keelung Road? Section 1? XinYi District? Shoot, that's right near Taipei 101, and I had been there once in my life. Not to mention I'm practically best friends with a guy who knew a guy whose brother dated a girl's cousin whose grandfather worked for the friend of a civil engineer that helped design the road system in Taiwan. All that means is that I was ready to brave Taipei City without a map. Word of advice: do not try this abroad.
I got off the subway, came up from underground and surveyed the scene. After a few weeks in Taiwan, it turns out that I have an above average sense of direction. I gauged the wind and started walking in the estimated direction towards my destination. I checked my watch; and because I planned to have a time cushion, I had about 25 minutes until my interview. Strolling along, confidently making lefts and rights at seemingly appropriate places, I started to get a little nervous. I had a few street names stored in my memory that I knew exactly what to do upon seeing them, but it had been 10 minutes and I hadn't seen any of them, which was a problem. I looked around and saw that I was in the shadow of the tallest building in the world, looming above me in all its collosal glory. At the next corner there was a map.
Aha! I was walking the wrong direction! I walked in another direction for a few minutes before I started to get the feeling that I was still not headed the right way. It happened to be that I was at the base of Taipei 101.I knew the compass direction from Taipei 101 to my interview, but an unfortunate fact about Taipei is that it glows. That is, there is always a very thick layer of smog and/or rainclouds covering the sun, giving the city a fluorescent light effect. No shadows, no distinct source of light. I found another map on a corner. Within the next 10 or so minutes, I had graduated from a casual, confident walk, to an "oh no, I have 2 seconds left to cross the street" sprint. The occasional map on the corner was like finding pit stops in The Amazing Race, and I said a silent prayer before approaching each one, hoping that the "You are Here" bubble was closer to Julie than the last one. The minutes ticked by, 3:00 came and went, and frustration and panic ensued, accompanying an already existing large amount of perspiration, fast running, and a cornucopia of curses (FYI- there is an automatic 2 points added for every use of the word "cornucopia" in everyday conversation).
Naturally, I blame two things other than the stupidity of not bringing a map: Keelung Road stops being Keelung Road for awhile. It turns into another road that brings you to a place that is not Keelung Road. What's up with that? And the other thing: North is not always "up" on the maps on the street. I was used to reading maps that followed a universal, logical pattern, so I was making lefts that should have been turn around, go 3 blocks and make a rights.
Sure enough, I made it to my interview, and only 15 minutes late at that (Julie was very understanding*). Let this be a lesson to Taiwan-goers: always write down the address in Chinese, always carry a map, never say "near a 7-Eleven" as a serious point of reference, and never assume Up is North.
*considering she told me her office was on the 13th floor and the elevator only went up to 12. Talk about a panic attack to interrupt the sigh relief when I found the building...
I had received an email from Julie, my agent, with the time and location of my initial interview so she could begin pimping me out to the best schools in Taiwan as soon at possible. 3:00 pm? Keelung Road? Section 1? XinYi District? Shoot, that's right near Taipei 101, and I had been there once in my life. Not to mention I'm practically best friends with a guy who knew a guy whose brother dated a girl's cousin whose grandfather worked for the friend of a civil engineer that helped design the road system in Taiwan. All that means is that I was ready to brave Taipei City without a map. Word of advice: do not try this abroad.
I got off the subway, came up from underground and surveyed the scene. After a few weeks in Taiwan, it turns out that I have an above average sense of direction. I gauged the wind and started walking in the estimated direction towards my destination. I checked my watch; and because I planned to have a time cushion, I had about 25 minutes until my interview. Strolling along, confidently making lefts and rights at seemingly appropriate places, I started to get a little nervous. I had a few street names stored in my memory that I knew exactly what to do upon seeing them, but it had been 10 minutes and I hadn't seen any of them, which was a problem. I looked around and saw that I was in the shadow of the tallest building in the world, looming above me in all its collosal glory. At the next corner there was a map.
Aha! I was walking the wrong direction! I walked in another direction for a few minutes before I started to get the feeling that I was still not headed the right way. It happened to be that I was at the base of Taipei 101.I knew the compass direction from Taipei 101 to my interview, but an unfortunate fact about Taipei is that it glows. That is, there is always a very thick layer of smog and/or rainclouds covering the sun, giving the city a fluorescent light effect. No shadows, no distinct source of light. I found another map on a corner. Within the next 10 or so minutes, I had graduated from a casual, confident walk, to an "oh no, I have 2 seconds left to cross the street" sprint. The occasional map on the corner was like finding pit stops in The Amazing Race, and I said a silent prayer before approaching each one, hoping that the "You are Here" bubble was closer to Julie than the last one. The minutes ticked by, 3:00 came and went, and frustration and panic ensued, accompanying an already existing large amount of perspiration, fast running, and a cornucopia of curses (FYI- there is an automatic 2 points added for every use of the word "cornucopia" in everyday conversation).
Naturally, I blame two things other than the stupidity of not bringing a map: Keelung Road stops being Keelung Road for awhile. It turns into another road that brings you to a place that is not Keelung Road. What's up with that? And the other thing: North is not always "up" on the maps on the street. I was used to reading maps that followed a universal, logical pattern, so I was making lefts that should have been turn around, go 3 blocks and make a rights.
Sure enough, I made it to my interview, and only 15 minutes late at that (Julie was very understanding*). Let this be a lesson to Taiwan-goers: always write down the address in Chinese, always carry a map, never say "near a 7-Eleven" as a serious point of reference, and never assume Up is North.
*considering she told me her office was on the 13th floor and the elevator only went up to 12. Talk about a panic attack to interrupt the sigh relief when I found the building...
Thursday, April 9, 2009
A serendipitous reflection
I really wonder if there is some mysterious force that floats through the air, channeling thoughts and emotions, connecting minds in contemplation. Have you ever been thinking about something in a specific way, and then someone around you recites your thoughts in such a way that it seems more impossible that they didn't read your mind than if they claimed to have done so. The eerie lack of an even miniscule connection between coincidences often drives me mad. In a few instances I've wondered if I have a habit of thinking out loud, and I've toiled with the idea that I am an ESP prodigy and that I have some supernatural force surrounding me, connecting me to the minds around me.
The population of Taipei City is well over 2.5 million people, who are spread out over 272 square kilometers. On Monday March 30th, I knew exactly 5 people in the city, including Dave. On my way to an interview at 8:00 AM, I was walking through Taipei Main Station, which is the hub terminal for the MRT, the TRA (Taiwan Railway Administration), and the HSR (High Speed Railroad). Basically the Taiwan equivalent to Penn and/or Grand Central station at rush hour in the morning.
Sure enough, in the midst of the three-floor hustle bustle of Taiwanese commuters, I crossed paths with one of the people I know. Perhaps an insignificant part of my day, but I don't stop thinking about these things. Ever. Had I let one more person squeeze in front of me on the escalator, had I stopped to tie my shoe, traveled in a different car on the MRT, or even been looking in the opposite direction to try to find where I needed to be, I would have walked right past him. We would have been 10 feet from each other, but we would never have known.
While it would not be very undesirable for many people, you can probably trace almost everything in your life back to a 5-second window of oppurtunity that led to it. The people you've met, or even scarier, what about the people you haven't met? It's fascinating how many life paths could have been, or already have been, altered by a seemingly insubstantial amount of time.
Next post: video of a bunch of stoners and some religious fanatics discussing the butterfly effect and the idea of "fate."
The population of Taipei City is well over 2.5 million people, who are spread out over 272 square kilometers. On Monday March 30th, I knew exactly 5 people in the city, including Dave. On my way to an interview at 8:00 AM, I was walking through Taipei Main Station, which is the hub terminal for the MRT, the TRA (Taiwan Railway Administration), and the HSR (High Speed Railroad). Basically the Taiwan equivalent to Penn and/or Grand Central station at rush hour in the morning.
Sure enough, in the midst of the three-floor hustle bustle of Taiwanese commuters, I crossed paths with one of the people I know. Perhaps an insignificant part of my day, but I don't stop thinking about these things. Ever. Had I let one more person squeeze in front of me on the escalator, had I stopped to tie my shoe, traveled in a different car on the MRT, or even been looking in the opposite direction to try to find where I needed to be, I would have walked right past him. We would have been 10 feet from each other, but we would never have known.
While it would not be very undesirable for many people, you can probably trace almost everything in your life back to a 5-second window of oppurtunity that led to it. The people you've met, or even scarier, what about the people you haven't met? It's fascinating how many life paths could have been, or already have been, altered by a seemingly insubstantial amount of time.
Next post: video of a bunch of stoners and some religious fanatics discussing the butterfly effect and the idea of "fate."
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Hao, hao
At my school, all of the teachers are referred to as Teacher [first name]. For the past two days, I have been sitting in on a few classes for observations as part of my training. Even though I only sit in the back corner of the classroom on a miniature chair with my knees at my chin, the kids seem to if not like me, at least be curious about me. They hug me, climb me, give me stickers and throw bouncy balls to me. They want to know my favorite color, how old I am, where I am from, what my favorite food is. Granted, a majority of these questions are spoon(chopstick?) fed by their everyday teachers, but you can't expect a five-year-old Taiwanese boy to be able to come up with interview questions. Reciting it, comprehending my answers, and formulating an appropriate response is more than enough to impress me.
"Teacher John, why are your eyes blue?"
This question came to me in between classes, as I was smelling kids' hands for soap to make sure they washed for twenty seconds after using the bathroom.
I need to come up with a good answer for that, seeing as how it's the second time a kid has asked about my eyes (the first one was asked to another teacher). Do I tell them I am sick? Do I have superpowers? Should I act like I didn't know, then when I look in the mirror should I scream and try to wash them out?
Food for thought: It's amazing how similar boredom and procrastination are. I do the same mindless activities whether I have nothing to do or everything to do.
"Teacher John, why are your eyes blue?"
This question came to me in between classes, as I was smelling kids' hands for soap to make sure they washed for twenty seconds after using the bathroom.
I need to come up with a good answer for that, seeing as how it's the second time a kid has asked about my eyes (the first one was asked to another teacher). Do I tell them I am sick? Do I have superpowers? Should I act like I didn't know, then when I look in the mirror should I scream and try to wash them out?
Food for thought: It's amazing how similar boredom and procrastination are. I do the same mindless activities whether I have nothing to do or everything to do.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Chapter 2: Xizhi
I guess it's about time I let all 7 of my faithful followers know whats been going on in my life for the past week or so.
Little known fact: about 2 weeks ago I looked up the price for a plane ticket home. When we got here, we found out that the Global Economic Plunge, or GEP if you will (yeah, I just made that up), had apparently taken its toll on Taiwan just weeks before we landed. Due to the GEP, there have been many language school closings, leaving a surplus of Unemployed English Teachers, or as I like to call, UETs, a population of which I was recently representing. As many of you know, as a UET, I've spent the majority of my time going to door to door to any places that appeared to be language schools, distributing my resume and warning the unaware of Armageddon, which the GEP is sure proof of. Don't deny truth.
Little known fact: I have an agent. After seeing my hopes and dreams in a gutter in Taipei, she took my floundering fledgling of a teaching career into her own hands and vowed to end my affiliation with the UET. She started calling me (I didn't have time to get a manager to take these calls) and setting me up on interviews all across Taiwan. Taichung, Hsinchu, and Shijr. I also had two interviews that I got without her help. I nailed all the interviews; wow'ed them with my English speaking skills, my storytelling voice, my knowledge of grammar, and my ability to write in script. No teaching experience? No problem. I went 4 for 5 getting job offers on the spot (I started off 0-1, then caught fire.) That's 80%, people. To put it in perspective, Sidney Crosby only makes 13.7% of his shots, and most golfers only sink about 18 shots out of like, 70+ strokes (~25%). Heck, even LeBron is only shooting 48.7% from the floor this year. Needless to say, I was a sought after person, partially thanks to my agent, who showed me the money and helped put me in a position to be picky. Which is why I chose the best offer: a competitive salary, decent working hours, and free accommodation, 5 minutes walking distance from my school, in a town called Xizhi (or Shijr), which is a 17-23 minute, $21 NT train ride to/from Taipei City. Check out my pics of the new pad and the view from my balcony on the 23rd floor (score 1 for panorama assist! click for a better look).
On Monday, I begin two weeks of boot camp (training/observations) before I officially become a teacher. Boo-yah, GEP!
Little known fact: about 2 weeks ago I looked up the price for a plane ticket home. When we got here, we found out that the Global Economic Plunge, or GEP if you will (yeah, I just made that up), had apparently taken its toll on Taiwan just weeks before we landed. Due to the GEP, there have been many language school closings, leaving a surplus of Unemployed English Teachers, or as I like to call, UETs, a population of which I was recently representing. As many of you know, as a UET, I've spent the majority of my time going to door to door to any places that appeared to be language schools, distributing my resume and warning the unaware of Armageddon, which the GEP is sure proof of. Don't deny truth.
Little known fact: I have an agent. After seeing my hopes and dreams in a gutter in Taipei, she took my floundering fledgling of a teaching career into her own hands and vowed to end my affiliation with the UET. She started calling me (I didn't have time to get a manager to take these calls) and setting me up on interviews all across Taiwan. Taichung, Hsinchu, and Shijr. I also had two interviews that I got without her help. I nailed all the interviews; wow'ed them with my English speaking skills, my storytelling voice, my knowledge of grammar, and my ability to write in script. No teaching experience? No problem. I went 4 for 5 getting job offers on the spot (I started off 0-1, then caught fire.) That's 80%, people. To put it in perspective, Sidney Crosby only makes 13.7% of his shots, and most golfers only sink about 18 shots out of like, 70+ strokes (~25%). Heck, even LeBron is only shooting 48.7% from the floor this year. Needless to say, I was a sought after person, partially thanks to my agent, who showed me the money and helped put me in a position to be picky. Which is why I chose the best offer: a competitive salary, decent working hours, and free accommodation, 5 minutes walking distance from my school, in a town called Xizhi (or Shijr), which is a 17-23 minute, $21 NT train ride to/from Taipei City. Check out my pics of the new pad and the view from my balcony on the 23rd floor (score 1 for panorama assist! click for a better look).
On Monday, I begin two weeks of boot camp (training/observations) before I officially become a teacher. Boo-yah, GEP!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Jaywalking
At the end of almost every crosswalk in Taipei City, there is the familiar "walk/don't walk" indicator. Along with a little green man, whose glowing bulbs actually flash to show it walking in place, there is the countdown of how long you have to cross the street. I have very mixed feelings about crosswalks in Taipei. On the upside, it takes all the guessing out of crossing the street. Many times I have been almost a block away from the crosswalk and saw the green man pacing in his yellow box. Instead of breaking into an uncomfortable trot to try to make the light, I see that I have a 68 second cushion, allowing me to continue my leisurely stroll across the street.
One thing is for sure, though: People don't jaywalk in Taiwan. No matter how many seconds left until the light changes, how wide the street is, it just doesn't happen. As a New Yorker, I'm inclined to step out onto the pavement as soon as I see an opportunity to squeeze between two cars. However, the amount of peer pressure I've felt from the Taiwanese people has done nothing short of snuff out those temptations.
Consider this... I was walking by myself, and I came to an intersection where my green man had just fizzled out only to be replaced by his evil twin- the little red man. He reappeared on the adjacent corner along with the number 97. The scene was desolate. I was at the only intersection in Taiwan where there weren't any cars or scooters. I looked around, and it was only me and a Taiwanese gentleman, who was next to me, waiting patiently on the sidewalk. At 85 seconds, still no cars had passed. I could see at least a quarter of a mile in either direction. Nothing. 70 seconds. I glanced at the man, as if to say, "If you go, I'll go, too. We don't have to tell anyone about this," but his eyes remained fixed on the red man. I glared at him, then leaned ove
r the curb, giving an exaggerated look in both directions, then looked back at him. I could have easily been 100 yards closer to my destination, but the 3-way stalemate between this Taiwanese man, his glowing red counterpart, and the green pedestrian was too much for me to overcome.
Finally, I gave up trying to mentally persuade the man into crossing the empty street with me. 30 seconds to go, and a lone scooter zips through the intersection. 3, 2, 1. There is always a 5 second grace period where everyone gets the glaring red man. The man held strong. Finally, our little green savior appeared, and the Taiwanese man looked both ways and crossed the street.
The only conclusion I can come to after a few episodes similar to this is that Jaywalking is a capital offense, punishable only by tar and feathers, followed by being paraded through the city to be hanged in front of a large crowd.
One thing is for sure, though: People don't jaywalk in Taiwan. No matter how many seconds left until the light changes, how wide the street is, it just doesn't happen. As a New Yorker, I'm inclined to step out onto the pavement as soon as I see an opportunity to squeeze between two cars. However, the amount of peer pressure I've felt from the Taiwanese people has done nothing short of snuff out those temptations.
Consider this... I was walking by myself, and I came to an intersection where my green man had just fizzled out only to be replaced by his evil twin- the little red man. He reappeared on the adjacent corner along with the number 97. The scene was desolate. I was at the only intersection in Taiwan where there weren't any cars or scooters. I looked around, and it was only me and a Taiwanese gentleman, who was next to me, waiting patiently on the sidewalk. At 85 seconds, still no cars had passed. I could see at least a quarter of a mile in either direction. Nothing. 70 seconds. I glanced at the man, as if to say, "If you go, I'll go, too. We don't have to tell anyone about this," but his eyes remained fixed on the red man. I glared at him, then leaned ove
r the curb, giving an exaggerated look in both directions, then looked back at him. I could have easily been 100 yards closer to my destination, but the 3-way stalemate between this Taiwanese man, his glowing red counterpart, and the green pedestrian was too much for me to overcome.Finally, I gave up trying to mentally persuade the man into crossing the empty street with me. 30 seconds to go, and a lone scooter zips through the intersection. 3, 2, 1. There is always a 5 second grace period where everyone gets the glaring red man. The man held strong. Finally, our little green savior appeared, and the Taiwanese man looked both ways and crossed the street.
The only conclusion I can come to after a few episodes similar to this is that Jaywalking is a capital offense, punishable only by tar and feathers, followed by being paraded through the city to be hanged in front of a large crowd.
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