Taipei Zoo Report Card (Part 1)

(photo update)

Here's a challenge: go to a zoo for 1 hour and try to find animals that don't suck.


Over the weekend, I went to Taipei Zoo with Mike and B. A late start got us there just before 4:00 pm, which is when they stop letting people in. The Zoo closes at 5:00, so we had about 1 hour to see as many animals as we could.

After we coughed up $60 NT, roughly 1.84 USD or 24.16 Mexican Pesos, we tried to map out the best route for seeing the "cool" animals, what we later decided were the ones from Africa. To sum up our trip I've decided to grade each exhibit.

Giant Panda: B
This is generous grade. I only managed 3 pictures because I was being herded quickly through the exhibit. They get points for just being cool animals. (Q: What did the Panda say to the Polar Bear? A: You shoulda seen the other guy!)

Everything in the Nocturnal House: F
Advice for zoo-goers: if you only have 1 hour to look at animals, skip the Nocturnal House. It's lame. Nocturnal animals are proof of evolution, because they're the animals nobody wants to see in the light. Nobody wants to see raccoons and field mice. Ever. Especially not at a zoo. We wasted 5 minutes trying to grope our way to the exits.

Camels: B+
Camels, you're alright. Nothing beats a field full of camel-toes. Especially when they've got the zookeepers spendin' all their money on 'em.

Hippos: A
For being fat with stumpy legs, you sure do kill a lot of people per year. And that thing where only your nostrils and eyes come out of the water is pretty cool, too. One of the few animals at the zoo that actually move.

Zebras: B
Like a horse, but not boring. This is one animal that makes you wonder "How did that happen?" Fortunately we got there right at half-time so we were able to get a few photos.

Rhinos: B-
Extra points for the built in weapon. Minus points for using your face as a kickstand to help you sleep while standing up while I'm trying to extract optimal cool-ness from the zoo. One of their faces was right in a pile of droppings. He'll probably wake up hungry.

Lions: A
I have a soft spot for lions, mostly because of The Lion King. No males on display, but at least Nala and Sarabi weren't inside the den nagging.

Giraffes: B
They were lying in the grass and not eating the highest leaves off the trees, which would be the ideal image to go along with my expectations. But long necks are cool, especially for animals with malodorous hooves.

Animals that resemble deer: D
There are a bunch of animals lumped into this category. Which is why they only get a D, because they aren't very unique. Curly horns, pointy horns, stubby horns, whatever. Do something productive with your life, like invest in a glowing nose.

Ostrich: A-
The ostrich found a hole in the pen and stared at us for quite awhile. It was a special moment. Come back when you can fly and you'll see that A- turn into an A+.

Gorilla: F
MIA

Assorted monkeys: C-
Chimps were MIA and the other monkeys flung too much poo at their Plexiglas windows so we could barely see anything.

Taipei Zoo: B+
Lots of (surprisingly correct) informative English. It's not the biggest zoo in the world, but for the price of 4000 ml of green tea, or two pieces of delicious fried chicken from the street vendor, or a piece of cake and a chocolate milk, how can you be disappointed? This review is 75% incomplete, as we pretty much only saw African animals. Perhaps one day I will pick up where I left off and finish the Taipei Zoo report card.